Still Breathing

My brain is constipated.

Maybe not - but it feels that way... I hate this feeling. You feel cold and nauseated - in my case, I think I'm cold and nauseated in a vague kind of way because it's all in my head - and when you feel it's finally coming out and you'll be relieved from it, it just doesn't. I get frustrated.

I'm like a sneeze that can't become one until I sneeze. I'm pushed right up the throat but I refuse to erupt. Then again, it's worthless and impossible to be one - or just even say that I am one - if the actual sneezing doesn't happen. Because without that I would just be an idea, wouldn't I? A mere probability. The air would be more real than me **hahahaha... I tend to get too absorbed with my thoughts sometimes, especially when I'm bored from being bored :p**

I've stopped reading Banana's Amrita for now. At the moment, it just feels too heavy - heavy as a dead body, so to speak. And, I've started on Myles Munroe's "Glory of Living" the other day. Myles visited our church last summer and he has made an immense impression on me that I bought a book he wrote (I even got his autograph^^ hehe). The first sentence I read when I opened the book was "Glory is the goal of life" - words that gushed through and almost broke me.

Last Sunday, my cousins from Baguio came and treated us at Dampa - partly because of our lola's 92nd birthday *amazing, isn't it? ^^* and partly because Ate Ekie will be leaving for Dubai next month. I envy my cousin. I also want to know how it feels to live in another country - not reside there for good, but just for a period of time. I've always lived with my parents, so I guess this urge to live on my own is inevitable. Honestly, I don't want to live alone, but I want to dare myself and see if I can *grins*. My mom and I talked about this the other night. But I can't really do it unless I can wake up on my own (I sleep like a log, and only a very patient person can wake me up). Yes, although this is too embarrassing to admit, my mom still wakes me up in the morning. I don't know what I'd do without her...

Well then, I guess it will all start from that. The first step to becoming a sneeze is to learn how to wake up by myself. *hahahahaha...*