between coffee and chocolate

"No matter what, I want to continue living with the awareness that I will die. Without that, I am not alive.This is what makes the life I have now possible.

Inching one's way along a steep cliff in the dark: on reaching the highway, one breathes a sigh of relief. Just when one can't take any more, one sees the moonlight. Beauty that seems to infuse itself into the heart: I know about that."
--Kitchen, Banana Yoshimoto

Thinking of Banana Yoshimoto and her prose remind me of the orange, late afternoon sun. The vast sky is pure blue and rays of sunlight create elongated shadows of everything. I really love those afternoons. I could bathe myself under that radiant sun, warm but not cruel, until it disappears in the evening sky. Oddly, I relate Banana with that. When I feel depressed and on gray-sky afternoons, I take Banana’s “Kitchen” with me, as if a substitute for sun. The thought of having the book near me, curiously, calms me somehow. Like when I was working on graveyard shift –3 or 4 years ago, I think that was- I always brought it with me at work. And on lunch breaks (which was midnight), I’d curl up on a corner of our office’s sleeping quarters and embrace the book. And like that, I could sleep soundly.

So today, I took it with me here in the office. Not that I’m on night shift again. My head just feels clearer when I have the book nearby. Last week, I felt awful staring at the rain –on a bus, on my way home. I saw a picture of my self on the pavements, on the sheds, on umbrellas, on people, on the glass windows. There I was in the steel barricades separating each bus lanes at each stop -dripping in those tiny, square spaces of their mesh. It was as if physically seeing the relentless seconds, moments, of my life pass right before my very eyes. Just like rain.... I hate rain. Have I ever told you that? It just keeps pouring, soaking everything. Merciless and apathetic.

. . . . . . . . . . . . *sigh*

What was it I wanted to write again? lol. I don’t like it when I post something glum. I want to always write something light and bouncy and happy. I had a purpose when I started typing. And it's not the rain. But then, *checks time* it's already 6. It's the end of my shift. I should head home. Mom said we'll have Udon tonight. Yay! I have been craving for it ever since I saw the episode of Arashi no Shukudai-kun where they featured different Udon dishes.

Maybe tomorrow I'll remember what it was I wanted to say. Banana. Yes, her. And that quote above. I'll hold on to them until tomorrow. But for now, BYE! ^^

Oblivious to the approaching light

I want to write. Frankly, I’ve been thinking of a good start since yesterday but good ideas won’t come. My head is just… bleh. Nil. I guess this is out of exhaustion. I’ve been working on translating Laruku’s Nemuri ni Yosete. And I’m still having a hard time making a proper translation for the title itself.

I was stuck in traffic yesterday too due to the typhoon. My shift ended at 3, but Kristell and I decided to let the rain abate before heading home. We watched several Arashi/JE clips. There was a scene where Tom Cruise was eating a bowl of rice and Kobe Beef and suddenly we were craving for a hot Mongolian Quick Box. So from the new building, Solaris, we brazen out the storm and headed to RCBC’s food court. I don’t know how long we stayed in Mongolian, but the rain just won’t stop and it was getting late. Our only choices were to wait for the rain to subside or brace up and wade through it so we can at least go home at a decent hour. I got home at around 10 –and no, we didn’t wait for the heavy rain to peter out. Traffic was terrible, as always when it rains hard. Thank goodness for mp3 players! So I plugged in my earphones and listened to cheery Arashi songs –because rain depresses me like only it can. I was soaking wet from the rain –in spite of carrying an umbrella- and, probably, from sweat too, inside the cramped jeepney. My clothes were sticking to my skin. But my subconscious kept playing Nemuri ni Yosete in my head. And before I knew it, several songs of Arashi had passed without me actually listening to them. I kept skipping back the songs.


So anyway, here’s what I make of this tenacious song. Next project will be Kaze no Yukue. Hopefully. Depends on the inspiration really, hehe. These are rather old songs of L’Arc~en~Ciel. This is just my way of. . . . coping with the hiatus. By the way, Ken’s first album, IN PHYSICAL, is made of some absolutely awesomecake, isn’t it? Genius! It’s a little sad that the songs were not made with L’Arc, which –thinking about the possibilities– might have been more amazing than how amazing they are now. No kidding. I’m seriously thinking of buying the album. That’s how good it is. And until now, I still can’t get into VAMPS' Evanescent. It’s lacking something –something essential to make it captivating and significant. To me, it can only be as beautiful as a porcelain sculpture. Elegant and cold. I don’t know, I just can’t feel it. Maybe I need to hear it in HQ. But then… I don’t know.

[First, the lyrics in Kanji is ~here~. For the romanji version, ~here~ *you need to scroll down to the 7th track*]

Nemuri ni Yosete
[Asleep]
music: Ken / Lyrics: Hyde
>>>here<<<

The sunlight tricks me to wake up
Letting memories secretly creep their way in through the window
So again, I close my eyes...

With quiet waves protecting me, I sleep
Inside a cradle, swaying and drifting
While I wait for the light somehow

To a transparent dream, let me sleep
Pulling back the hands of time
To a dream, let the broken me sleep
To the land of the purest
Until this pain softens, don’t wake me up

Ah, it’s unceasing, this constant beating
Gently embracing me

Before long, that lullaby's pace will pick up
Amidst the noise of the waves
I heard a distant voice calling out for me

To a transparent dream, let me sleep
Pulling back the hands of time
To a dream, let the broken me sleep
To the land of the purest
Because I don’t want to remember, even now

I don’t want to be touched by anyone
Because I don’t want to be broken
It’s better if I don’t wake up
And stay asleep like this

To a transparent dream, let me sleep
Pulling back the hands of time
To a dream, let the broken me sleep
To the land of the purest
A place far away from everyone

To a transparent dream, let me sleep
Pulling back the hands of time
To a dream, let the broken me sleep
To the land of the purest
Until this pain softens, don’t wake me up

Ah, the light continues to bring me along...
Someday, I wonder if I can return


**Asleep... yeah, that's the best I could think of. I like Meg-chan's translation, 'Lay me down to sleep', but I don't know if I'm allowed to use it. I am not too confident to ask her, ahehe. Or the title may mean 'Approaching sleep' or maybe 'Falling into sleep'. But I don't like how they sound. I'm subjective like that. So for now, I'll leave the translation as 'Asleep'