where my pink flamingo is

Denny: When were you last in love, really? . . . . Ohhh. Don't you long for it?
Alan: I do, but I also fear it. The idea of part of me being controlled by somebody else.
Denny: Oh, that's the joy, the surrender–
Alan: Have you ever cried with a woman, Denny?
Denny:Oh, many, many…
[Alan stares at Denny]
Denny: No. You?
Alan: Never. Some men do that, you know–
Denny: Oh, I know. They're just weak men. Not like us. We're, ah—
Alan and Denny: Strong.
Denny: That's what makes us who we are.
Alan: Kings–
Denny: Masters of our domain.
Alan: Alone.
Denny: You're never alone on my balcony.
Alan: I know that, Denny. Sleep-over tonight?
Denny: Oh, damn it!
Alan: Just asking–
Denny: And you wonder why I resist these tender moments!
Alan: Just forget it.
Denny: Oh, fine; now I'm the bad guy.
Alan: I said forget it. Can you do that?
Denny: We could have just ended it on “You're not alone on my balcony,” but, no. You always have to push it.
Alan: Shut up.

--from Boston Legal (Season03, Ep19)


~~~
I have drank about 2 and a half cups of black coffee, I wonder how long my eyes will stay wide open tonight. I have things to think about –big decisions I need to make. But maybe, they don't have to be made tonight. I just need to think. Start my head on something.

When I find my flamingo like Alan Shore –of course, ideally I have always hoped to be Alan Shore, but when it comes down to it.... as long I have a part, that's what really matters, right? So anyway, when I find my Denny or my Alan, I will have a nice, cozy balcony where we'll sit on every night. We'll sip our wines and smoke cigars (-ahem, so to speak, ok?) intermittently as we talk of things -sensible ones and of whatever. Anything. And we'd have sleep-overs now and then -sleep-overs, I find, are indispensable to friendship. That's a good sign of friendship right there. I will never grow too old of them. Perhaps. . . . . Yeah, sometimes when I dream of the future, that's the picture I paint. Ahaha. You'd think I should be praying of a husband finding me what with my age and all! How shameful not to, one may think and start a family. I just can't picture myself in that life. Frankly. Maybe I'm too young? You know, some people would think I'm too old. Depends on how one looks at it really.

Aaarhhh. I want to make a decision now -mainly relating to things happening at work. But some things are still up in the air. I'm afraid to decide really, but I will have to. Soon. And I can't say the details now..... But it's somewhat --will you choose the people whom you have come to love, faces you want to greet you everyday when you come to work? Or will you choose the sun?