a calm before the morning light downpours

You fly over the earth
I was just gazing at that
You fly over the earth
Can't you see I am tied to the ground

You keep falling towards the sky
You keep falling deeply into a bottomless sky
And you grab onto clouds. . .

You fly over the earth
I was just gazing at that
You fly over the earth
Can't you see I am tied to the ground

You fly over the earth
Soon you'll start melting into the air
You're floating in the air

As I was just staring at that...
Standing still

--from 'In the Air' by L'Arc~en~Ciel
translation by James Chertudi

In a little while, the year would say good-bye. But before that, a classmate in college already had. She's gone, and in a few minutes this year too would follow her to forever. I only learned about it today, from a bulletin in Friendster. Someone was asking who else would come to her hometown to bid their last farewells. I was not very close to this person, but nevertheless I knew her —be it a shallow acquaintance— talked to her, and laughed with her at times. When I think of her now, the only vivid picture I have of her in my memory is her smiling. The bulletin said she died of cancer and that at first it was only chronic anemia. She did not look it in college; rather she was full of life. And I cannot imagine her otherwise. Her smile is so clear in my head that the present truth seem unreal.

She will no longer have time to fill. Outside the box, outside time, and into eternity. Do words and meanings have no use to her now? Was she able to carry the memories of her life with her? And would they last outside the threshold of time? So many questions; like the stars appearing one by one at a softly lit sky at dusk, they emerge.

Ah, the sun is born of night, it sets again
Though no one's here to see - it's endless

--from 'Perfect Moment' by Hyde

If you travel far deep into the universe, will you never really reach its end?

I was in the office today when I got the news, amidst the ceaseless greetings of ‘Happy New Year’ around the office. For a moment, I was blanketed by silence, as if it was night and the cheers were in a far away place; and I was alone looking up at countless stars and beyond that the eyes of eternity were looking straight back at me. It was scary.

I pushed my chair to the right side of my station. I turned to Joey, and once we started chatting light came flooding back in and all was back to normal. I was back.

It was raining on my way home - it did not stop until I was at the gate of our village.

In a while, fireworks will light the night sky. This melancholy will be chased away by the deafening noise of firecrackers and carton trumpets. Tomorrow, 2008 will be nothing more but a mist and gone at the first sign of the morning light. A fresh, with full of promise, new year begins…

Listless

Have just posted at lj, see ~here~, the sort of post you make in a fine lazy afternoon like this one I'm having.

I'm a new member at Shelfari. Please add me if you're there too ^^

And here's the list of books I wish to read (and hopefully finish) this coming year:

Shelfari: Book reviews on your book blog

Meri Kurisumasu

**From tsukikei (^^)**
--thought I wouldn't get a chance to post today, but look :P

only a day away

Since there'll be no chance of getting this posted later nor tomorrow, I'll do it now

MERRY CHRISTMAS everyone! ♥♥♥

~soon the season's climax will hum~

Only 3 days left before Christmas! (n_n)

Finally, I'm done for the day! *floor* Today's load was insane and I got dizzy what with the ridiculous number of customers wanting to... Ow, I'll just shut it. My head still hurts. I knew today would be very very busy. But the work that came exceeded my expectation. Oh, my poor head (>.<). Joey gave me a handful of chocolates to cheer me up (it definitely felt being demented and the sweets kinda worked - a little).

So anyway, as the holiday season's climax draws near, I'm becoming more restless at each passing day. There's Christmas, then there's the New Year. With all the maddening preparations and festivities, it feels as if time is passing too slow and yet too fast at the same --and I'm caught right in the middle, my head aches. Again, my poor little head (T.T). The coming year looms like a shadow of a tsunami poised to flood everything clean. It’s a little overwhelming just to think about it. But, yes, I’m eager for it just the same. Let the waters downpour on me, I'm sure it would be refreshing.

My friends and I were supposed to spend the 26th by the beach to watch the sunset (would’ve been more fitting for the New Year’s Eve, but I cannot spend that without my family around me). This morning, Rachel sent me a message to inform that our plan is cancelled and we’re camping somewhere else –she said it’s a bit risky to stay by the seashore with this weather. The mornings indeed have become very cold and the winds are stronger. I now have to wear a jacket, in spite of putting on a long-sleeve top already, on my way to the office. I’m not up for this cold climate – I’m a ‘warm-weather’ person through and through. Camping still sounds good, though I was looking forward to sleeping by the seashore as the heavy wind brushes up my face and smell the fresh salt water. It would've been lovely watching the sun as it colors the vast sky into a magnificent painting, letting the colors brush off the sea --yes, I only intended to be the lucky spectator, as swimming is out of the question. But, oh well…

-----

I finally got the short clip of Ysrael playing as Samson in one of the past Cantatas in our church –and it’s one of my favorite too. I think this was 2004? **I forget** Botan edited it, adding the subtitles and putting clips of JE boys in the upper right to make it seem as if it was featured on a Japanese TV show. She uploaded it at youtube **brilliant! hehe** and sent us the link. I’m not sure if Ysrael had seen it yet though. If he discovers that I’ve also embedded it in my blog, he might skin me alive… But, I’m taking my chances, hahahaha!

~ Grief ~

So it's true. The last aired episode of Boston Legal is really the show's finale. How naive of me. UGH. How slow could I get. But pleeeeaase tell me it isn't true *sniffs*. Yes, I'm still in denial. I can't say good-bye to Boston Legal so suddenly --could I? Is it really? So there won't be anymore of...

I just read Wikipedia awhile ago. It says "In an interview with the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette on Dec 7th, David E. Kelly said that it was in fact ABC's decision to end Boston Legal. He also stated that executives did not want to commit to a fifth season, so he had to fight to bring it back for a short season of 13 episodes". For a moment there, it got stuck in my throat and I could not swallow the whole thing. Gradually, yes, I would be able to take it in... but -- but! Uwaaaaaaahhhhhhh

*WAILS*

Damnit! It's the only American show I could find that can make me fall down laughing as if there's no tomorrow. Of all the shows they had to end, why did it have to be this one? WHY?!?

the mad cow may be contagious

Excerpt from Boston Legal,
season 5 episode 12:

Denny: Alan... I have more money than God, unless He timed the market. But I can't give it to you 'cause the government will take half with the gift tax. And I can't die and leave it to you 'cause of the estate tax - don't get me started. If you were my spouse, I could give it, I could leave it to you. What's mine is yours, and the government can't touch it.

Alan: Oh, for that matter, you could open a business Or start a foundation--

Denny: In which case, you can't use it for incidentals like travel, fishing. And the way you go after the government... They already audit you. They'll find a way to nail you for commingling or malfeasance or whatever. The cleanest, simplest, most efficient transfer of property... is marriage. Plus all those other reasons-- medical, spousal privilege... immunity.

Alan: (laughs) It's beyond ridiculous, even for us.

Denny: I've always wanted to remarry before I die.

Alan: Really? Why?

Denny: I just have. And like it or not... You're the man I love. Think of all the... uh, what do you call 'em, poor people?

Alan: Yes.

Denny: Think of all the poor people you can help. Allocating my wealth to them, not the... Iraq war. Or the... Wall street bailout. Take my hand, Alan. Take my money.

Alan: I always thought if I were to get married again, it would be for... love and romance.

Denny: You love me. Romance never lasts. Money can.

Alan: Okay, Denny. I will marry you.

Denny: Really?

Alan: Why not? (laughs) I suppose it had to come to this.

Denny: It'll be great.

Alan: (laughs) Yes, it will.

Denny: Oh, like jumping a shark.

Alan: Hey, how about we do it on the dock of Nimmo bay?

Denny: Perfect. A salmon in one hand --

Alan: me in the other. Let no man tear asunder.

Denny: This could be a television series.

Alan: On a new network --

Denny: One that cares.

Alan: Alan Shore and Denny Crane, husband and mad cow.

~~~
Monday. A grueling week bodes to start again. Bleh.

I watched Boston Legal 12 (title: Made in China) last weekend with my Dad and Hanna (I could not watch the live broadcast --who watches TV these days anyway). I was laughing so hard there were tears in my eyes. First there was the Chinese lot that would be taking over Crane, Poole, and Schmidt – who were welcomed by Denny firing his paint ball gun endlessly at them. Plus, the new name of the firm, it reeks of 'Made in China' all over it *it cracked me up*. And then there’s also Denny proposing to Alan. In my heart, all the decadence in Boston Legal is overshadowed by the characters’ sincerity and their genuine friendship. Impressive storylines. Or I must be too gullible… I don’t know. Even the carnal Denny Crane and his mad cow is just as lovable for his child-like honesty as Jerry Espenson and his funny quirks and timidity. And there’s no question when it comes to Alan Shore. I guess if I ever consider getting married, it would be to someone brilliant (like Alan) – that may be my weakness… Aiba Masaki being the exception *laughs*. Yes, someone brilliantly talented/artistic, if not brilliantly smart (well, I guess if we’re talking solely on brilliance, then I can count Aiba in for being brilliantly baka *chortles*). I hope season 5 would not be the last – or else, I would be very very sad... Unless they're planning to make a spin-off of Alan and Denny's married life. But that is simply crazy.

let's light the Christmas tree

It's kinda late for this post, but I'm doing it anyway: There will be 2 Live-Action Nodame Cantabile films for release on 2010. *Hurray!* (had posted the news at my lj yesterday… redundancy wouldn’t hurt, would it? :p)

>>news from Anime News Network<<

I haven’t been following the animation’s sequel – seeing that it’s almost exactly the same as the Live-action special. But now that the producers had expressed their plan to do a sequel on that Paris sequel, I’d definitely have to see that - my presentiment being a sequel's sequel will be quite something. The release though would be fall next year. *but is willing to wait ^^*

---

Christmas is almost here! I still got a long to-do list to prep up for its arrival *heavy sigh*. Okay, let me start with my selfish self first, hehe. Though I’m ninety percent sure I won’t get any of these as presents, I’ll put my Christmas wish list here anyway **because xmas wishes are sparkly delightful things, so :o)**

Wish-list,

*External HD or a very tall spool of blank DVDs (dual-layer would be better)
*Monthly VAMPS (any volume except the 3rd)
*Glade (yes, the air-freshener. I keep forgetting to buy one. Though I have nothing against gardens, ours have a small canal at the end, which is just right outside our bedroom window and the lid broke. At times, the canal exudes a stench that inevitably filters through our room. And it’s my brother’s Moschino that suffers. Not too practical)
*upgrade my lj to a paid account (Of all things, it’s the icons that got me hooked. Hahaha)
*books (whatever it is, I wouldn’t mind)
*Movies
*Hills Bros Coffee (this is always out of stock in the mall near my house *pouts*)

hmmmm . . . I know I have something else in my head, but I’m cutting this list short. Other lists need attention *groans*

My lovelies – I must reiterate – I’m NOT encouraging you to indulge this selfish impractical girl. If you can’t choose from any in the list, I could always settle for ‘love’. Ahahaha. Yup, I have room for lots and lots <333

'while she's adjusting her ideas'

"What can be the meaning of that emphatic exclamation?'' cried he [Mr. Bennet]. "Do you consider the forms of introduction, and the stress that is laid on them, as nonsense? I cannot quite agree with you there. What say you, Mary? For you are a young lady of deep reflection I know, and read great books, and make extracts.''

Mary wished to say something very sensible, but knew not how.

"While Mary is adjusting her ideas,'' he continued, ``let us return to Mr. Bingley."

"I am sick of Mr. Bingley,'' cried his wife.

"I am sorry to hear that; but why did not you tell me so before? If I had known as much this morning, I certainly would not have called on him. It is very unlucky; but as I have actually paid the visit, we cannot escape the acquaintance now.''

- Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen

Mr. Bennet amuses me XD

After much importuning from his wife, Mr. Bennet gave the new neighbor, Mr. Bingley, a call in hopes of his wife that the man would return the visit; and by that, there may be chance for their daughters to be introduced to him. But Mr. Bennet did so without telling his wife, and he waited until she became upset and evinced displeasure over his lack of interest on a matter which she deemed crucial on their daughters’ future… Well, you all probably know the story, don’t you?

I was answering a meme on books at LJ, when I came upon the question "what's your favorite romance novel?" My mind went blank for a moment. I could only recall 2 notable book titles I've read under this genre: 'Jane Eyre' and 'Pride and Prejudice'. After much musing, I typed in the latter. It's not that I've read just these two, but, yes, I admit I've only read a few – which was partly my father’s fault. Yup, you heard me right. My Dad practically banned romance novels when I was younger (except classics), and I only managed to sneak in a few lent by my cousin. I read Pride and Prejudice in high school so, honestly, I only remember the gist of the story. But I'd happily put off reading 'the Idiot' so I can reread Austen's most famous novel. Plus, Mr. Darcy is Colin Firth **gigglefit... isn't that reason enough?** In fact, he played the role so well that Mark Darcy (in Bridget Jones's Diary) was practically created for him - a character which was undeniably patterned after Austen's Mr. Darcy. I skimmed through the first two chapters of the book yesterday, as I have only a vague memory of Austen's writing style now. I had not given much attention to Mr. Bennet before, but he seems to be an interesting character. He appears to be a fun daddy. (n_n)

-----

I'd love to read more romance novels. But it's quite scary to arbitrarily pick a book on my own **speaking from experience**. So, do you guys have any other good books in mind?

(but please, spare me from Twilight!... I'd rather not read that. If there's something I learned from the movie, that is to keep away from the book. And one 'twi-fan' is enough at home - my Dad *hahaha*. Yeah, he lifted the ban - and he most certainly should! I'm old enough to buy my own books now)

Okay, I need to run off - I heard there's ice cream at the pantry (it's Apple's birthday ^^). Bye!

Over the Moon

Telescope
Music and Lyrics: Noelle Pico
>>listen<<

draw me up a chart
with stardust chalk
as we lie beneath this ceiling

my fingers, moving on your cheek
focusing your eyes towards tomorrow
where can we map out our dreams

clear as you can view
the nearest stars through the lens
where mars makes me think of beadwork
hung around there on your neck

let's play pinball with the bears
watch it bounce right over the moon
i'm tired of dancing
but i'd like a few more stolen hours with you
turn the stand and swivel left towards the clouds
can you see it?
i can see it

kiss me quiet on my palm
where the lines form a constellation
and your breath takes me backwards in time

everyone likes to think of meanings
for the sky, for the world
for the fact that things are being

clear as you can view
the nearest stars through the lens
where mars makes me think of beadwork
hung around there on your neck

let's play pinball with the bears
watch it bounce right over the moon
i'm tired of dancing
but i'd like a few more stolen hours with you
turn the stand and swivel left towards the clouds
can you see it?
i can see it

wrap orion's belt around my little finger
no promises that won't make it through the night
sometimes i can't believe our secrets
where you and me
are just you and me

let's play pinball with the bears
watch it bounce right over the moon
i'm tired of dancing
but i'd like a few more stolen hours with you
turn the stand and swivel left towards the clouds
can you see it?
i can see it


-----

Finally, Noey gave her consent for me to post her song. Her lyrics are just my cup of tea, accompanied by just the right melody to complement the song. I had an inkling that this girl is special - and she is. I don't really have to say much. Her lyrics alone sing a lovely melody.

*She just opened a myspace account... hope everything goes well <3*

~not reformatting still~

"You are too concerned
with what was and what will be.
There's a saying:
Yesterday is history,
tomorrow is a mystery,
but today is a gift.
That is why it is called the present."

--Master Oogway, Kung Fu panda

Have watched Kung Fu Panda the other night - watched it twice actually. My cousin came in my room right when I had just finished the movie and forced me to see the movie again with her. Well, now that I think about it, I fell asleep halfway through the second time. Don’t misinterpret. The movie is good. But it was almost midnight then when we repeated the whole thing, and I get up real early for work the next morning.

Because of my effing HD’s predicament, I’m abstaining from Japanese shows for now. I am forced to because my primary drive doesn’t have much space right now. And I can’t afford that one to crash. Every now and then I get agitated at the thought of the files I have in my second HD. I need other shows or movies to watch - my withdrawal symptoms, maybe. Suggestions anyone? I need something equally funny and interesting as Boston Legal, hehe ... *sigh* Where does one download ‘inner peace’? I must have left it inside my wretched HD … (kidding :P)

Over the Limit

I’ve had it with the IT at PC Express. The solution they gave is to reformat my 2nd HD, and my primary drive even. Based on their test, the 2nd drive is healthy though. But they cannot pinpoint why it's unreadable. Somehow I’m not surprised. My Dad said they advised that there might be something corrupted with my primary’s program so it’s best to reformat that too. Just that. Why couldn’t they use their spare PC and hook my second drive there, see if it opens, so we can definitely know it’s my c:? Anyway, I bought every bit of my PC there, so why can’t they at least test both HDs to be sure. But, again, my Dad forbids that I come to the store – afraid that I’d make a scene. And he keeps telling me that what the technicians did was already the SOP and there’s nothing we could do if they weren’t helpful enough. I find it completely absurd that I can find at least one way to determine which drive causes the problem and yet those techs could not? And I find it extremely frustrating that my Dad could not see my logic? If my HD is still healthy, surely there’s another way to opening it. Certainly there’s a way to determine the real cause why it wouldn’t? Maybe I should have those techs solve some puzzles in Fantastic Contraption to improve their analytical skills. Yes, I have very little knowledge about IT and I’m not familiar with a lot of things about the pc. But still, I’m not totally clueless. And, I don't trust those techs.

I was able to ask the IT analyst here in the office, and he offered to help. Plus, he said that the problem with my HD could not possibly be caused by the power supply. Now, that fact makes me even more cross. I hate being ignorant on something especially when the people who you must rely on make you buy something that is a total waste of money. So what was that power supply I bought for when the old one might have been just fine? I could have wasted the money on things more valuable and gratifying, for instance another issue of Monthly VAMPS **suppresses a laugh because this is definitely not the time for it**. Well, it may have been unintentional on those techs' part. But I find it appalling that they don't seem to know any better (probably just a wee bit more than what my Dad knows... and I just know a wee bit less than what my Dad know - well, probably) and their incompetence had caused me money!

But, again, for now, I must be patient and be stubborn. I will not give in just yet and let my HD be formatted. I’m stepping my foot down.

**and look what they've done. they made me write 2 consecutive posts to rant over their incompetence. Fie! they've made me waste my blog space as well**

where is the threshold of my patience?

Work is as usual. When I feel agitated, the 'fantastic contraptions' calms me down a bit. I'm down to 'Tube' now. At least my efforts were not in vain. Yesterday, my second hard drive failed me again. And just when I had placed substantial files in it too. To think that my Dad had brought it to PC Express several times already, I even bought a new power supply because they said that was the problem, and the odds of having the hard drive reformatted again, just stokes up my anger. My Dad would have to bring it back to them AGAIN to check. I don’t know how far his diplomacy would go. As far as I’m concerned, we have every right to be angry and diplomacy is out of the question. When they first reformatted my HD, it was out of complete stupidity. And lucky them, it was my Dad who was there. The second time it was brought back, they told us the settings was the one not right. But, of course, my files were already lost. They should have given us a replacement then. Just after barely four months of buying the brand new HD, it failed already? My Dad keeps telling me that repair is ‘trial and error’. He says he knows because he’s an electronic engineer. But shouldn’t the technicians diagnose the HD for every possible cause why it has malfunctioned. If those technicians have been doctors - and thank goodness they’re not, but, to make a point, suppose they are – and they’re doing a very sloppy job, which they call ‘trial and error’. The patient may very well be dead by now. But since they’re not, my HD – hoping against all hope – may still have a chance. Anyway, I’m not techy, but I checked the computer management and it reads my 2nd drive as healthy – though when I try and open it, I get an error message that says ‘corrupted and unreadable’. I simply refuse to believe that. I would’ve, if only the technicians who diagnosed my HD were not utter dolts.

But for now, all I can do is wait - wait and I think I need to play some more of ‘Fantastic Contraptions’.

pora is still pora

My natal day elapsed like any other normal day. My friends came over and we ate and watched a movie – but we always do those on sleepovers. Nothing out of the extraordinary really, except that I’m exactly a year older. And, quite frankly, I don't feel any older – for one, I'm already used to the fact that I’m getting old ever since I got to twenty-two. And I have a lot of other things to think about, so I don’t want to be bothered with trivial things like 'age' **hahaha**. But being ‘mature’ is of an utterly different matter and which I am quite averse delving into right now.

To everyone who greeted me, I give my warmest gratitude to you all. For someone who frequently forgets people’s birthdays, a simple greeting she receives for her own natal day is more than enough to warm the cockles of her heart.

I do have a lot of things to be thankful for. My family to begin with **and I have to give special credit to my dad because he kept greeting me the day before, repeatedly reminded me that he’s greeting me a day ahead so in case he forgets on the day itself he at least had greeted me in advance already. Whew! That was one mouthful**.

Kristell’s present is one of the loveliest things I have ever received. There are two cards attached to it – one is written in Hangul and the other in Kanji. That alone made me ecstatic. Just think of the effort she gave to compose them, especially the one in Kanji. That girl is studying Korean after all, not Japanese. Which reminds me, I have yet to decipher her message, hehe.

And I got an overflow of gifts from Rachel. She came over, bought me a cake and some food, and gave me two beautiful hairpins, and, most of all, blessed me with the warmest of hugs. Now tell me, how could I resist showering this lady with love <3

---------------


My Monthly VAMPS arrived last Friday (Yeah!). Even though I’ve already seen scans prior that, I was still overjoyed when I got my own copy **when I opened the package, I almost squealed like a fangirl – oh wait, I am one – but I contented myself with showing it off to my mom and friends**. If you’ve seen me then, I may have looked happy and still perfectly calm. But really, my heart was flailing as any sensible fangirl’s should. I know the scans from Matsuchan are way better **oh bless her for sharing them ^^**, but I had to take some pictures of my own and brag. And if you could just pardon me and let me be silly, it was my birthday after all *hahaha*.

VAMPS very 1st tour has finally ended, if I'm not mistaken. Omedetou to Haido, K.A.Z. and the rest of the band (^_^). They had 46 'lives'! Not including the 2 nights for the Halloween Live 2008. What's left now, and what everyone is hoping for, is the dvd! haha... And of course, Hyde said they'd release an album - and a single is a must before that. But they're probably saving those for early next year.

**I bought my Monthly VAMPS from Ai. And she's got more magazines to offer, the list is in her site. You might want to check her multiply: >>here<< or >>here<<**