While reading Amrita

"On a beach anyone can be a poet.

I've heard that when you stand on a beach and look out over the ocean, it's really 20 percent larger than you expected."

- Amrita, Banana Yoshimoto

For some reason, I'm finding it hard to finish 'Amrita' in just one sitting. It feels too heavy. Once I begin reading it, I'm warped into a sunset in its full color - bright orange, red, purple, and pink. All of it floods inside me in one breathing. It’s something that I cannot hold for too long. Maybe that's why sunsets are so fleeting.

I’m not making any sense again, am I?

I was stuck in traffic the other day all because of the typhoon. I walked a long way, just to find a bus that still has empty seats. A poem suddenly came to me then. The crowd was 20 percent larger than I expected *hahaha*. I recited the poem in my head over and over, afraid that it’ll slip away. But I’ve lost my confidence. It came to me like a vivid dream, but now it just sounds sloppy. I might have been just under the influence of Hyde and Banana – and the cold wind. In all honesty, I’m not a very articulate person and I was never really good at poems. But I’d like to believe that I can somehow, although clumsily, stitch words together. It’s either that or I’m deceiving myself. So, anyway, the reason I’m writing now is probably Banana’s influence on me again.

I was reading Amrita and a question popped in my head. It’s not a random question, but it’s the sort of question you’d ask yourself if you’re reading Amrita. How much have I changed over the years? I’m not really sure. For one, I used to adore rain. I loved the sound it creates -as it pours down over the cemented streets and over our tiny garden. But I’ve learned to appreciate sunny days. Just awhile ago, rain was pouring and I’m thinking how lovely it would be if the sun would turn up. From our bedroom window, our garden looks a lot better under the warm sunlight. This maybe is the one thing I’m certain that has changed in me. . . That and the joy I found in the company of my family.

Am I getting old? Hahaha . . .

I had a purpose in mind when I started writing this – something about ’20 percent larger than you expected’. But my parents unexpectedly handed me a cheeseroll and a glass of calamansi juice (when they've just arrived home from church). Now the reason for this blog was lost. Sheez . . . My thoughts are now drowned by the sound of the rain and the song “Tell Me” by Wonder Girls *laughs*

**My friends and I had to cancel our ‘mountain-climbing’ trip because of this typhoon. It was supposed to be my first attempt – but now I must wait until November. And hopefully I find the courage – and the words - to finish the poem I started.