the utterly confused

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one” --C.S. Lewis

If I hear anything more relating to kpop, I think I’m gonna be sick. Seriously. It’s one thing for people I know to like it. But it’s another when they drop what you both like completely all because of kpop artists with abs. Grrrr. It’s infuriating. The person I’m talking about is the very same person who did not attend the slumber party. I don’t care if she reads this because my feelings were treated like shit. So the hell with it. Looking at that quote above, it seems there really wasn’t anything we had in common... I’m trying to be more understanding because, really, I’m upsetting myself over this trivial matter. If we’re friends, then we’re friends. To become a friend of another, shouldn't there be at least one tiny – no matter how small – something that you and that person have something in common. Sharing a liking for something maybe. But if that tiny thread that binds you together snaps, then what? I know I’m wrong. I shouldn’t feel this way. I, in all honestly, feel a little ashamed getting so wound up over this. Besides, my ’friend’ and I are actually on speaking terms now. Everything should be okay now. But somehow, there’s something different, like something is amiss; or there’s something before that’s no longer there. Probably because I love jpop so much, and she kpop. She and I both liked Arashi before. But after Rain’s concert, she has, I strongly feel, abandoned the Arashi fandom completely. Well, in all fairness, she loved Rain first and only got into jpop because we became seatmates and she was intrigued with what I was always watching. But hey, I've got nothing against Rain *that's just silly, lol* because I kinda like him too because of FullHouse .... This may sound very shallow. Indeed. But, the thing is, it was on that penchant for Arashi that we became friends. If she doesn’t like them anymore, that’s perfectly fine. But then, there would be nothing we can talk about. Our conversations had always been centered on that same obsession. We are not prepared for this. We, I guess, weren’t able to find something else that we’ll enjoy both when one of us bugs out of the fandom. It’s a little sad because there should be. There are millions of things out there that we can share the same liking for. To think we’ve known each other for about three years now too. We can talk about life in general now. On just about anything under the sun. But there seems to be none. So I realized, there’s really nothing I can talk to about with this person. Again, if we’re different then that should still be okay, right? We should get along just fine. But, again, this person rarely comes over to my station in the office to chat, even though my station is only 10 paces from hers. It can easily be just me who’ll go to her desk. But I don’t dare. Gawd, I won’t. Not right now. I’m being a pain, I know. So be it. Because I’m not confident that this person is thrilled to speak to me. And I don’t want to impose myself again like last time. Arrrh, I’m such a pain! Everything should be back to normal. Maybe, it does look like it is because we’re talking. But everything is NOT okay. But I shut it. A friend should be able to feel that something is amiss. But I guess I’m wrong again. I must be. I don’t know anymore. Like I said on my post prior this one, I’ll leave things as it is and see what happens. Maybe we’ll find what’s missing. Maybe I’ll find it. *sigh*

And as if this dilemma isn't enough, I've got the kpop craze to irk me some more. What's up with their reality/variety shows. I don't get it at all. It's not just my type of entertainment, I guess. But everyone in the office is simply crazy about them. I. Don't. Get. It. It's frustrating. There's this reality show where 2 kpop idols pretend to be married. I don't like the concept at all. I must really be getting old. Idols pretending to be married. Pretending to fall in love. I go for simpler settings. Like Arashi's Mago Mago where they become grandchildren for a day, helping grandparents with their work or chores. Or the Mago Mago segment "Totsugeki Kodomo no Bangohan" wherein Arashi cooks dinner for kids (Ah, I'll never forget Aiba's bell pepper stuffed meat because his meat stuffed bell pepper was a fail, lol). There's another Korean reality show where idols try to take care of a toddler. Hmmm, sounds like Kodomo no Bangohan, doesn't it? I tried to watch that kpop show. Really. But it's sooo dragging. Or maybe I'm just too biased. idk. Hahaha...
For now, I’ll think of this coming Saturday. Yes, I’ll think of happy things. *smiles* My friends and I are going to Zoobic. I was hesitant to go, but then Rach said we can pet the tigers just like Aiba. So I’ve decided I’ll come. Rach said the magic word. Aiba. Hahahaha~

(I’ll find a proper screencap from TSD when I get home)

**kawaii ne!**

**but if it's like this, then It's okay if I don't pet it. LOL**

Let's paint the future once more

Asu o mabushii kurai ni umaku egakou toshite
Bokura wa kirei na iro o nuri sugita mitai
Chotto kakkowarui koto mo kowareta yume no iro mo
Paretto ni hiroge mou ichido asu wo egakou
Kitto nurisugita irotte shoro ni modorenai kedo
Sore de ii atarashi iro de asu o egakou

--from Aozora Pedaru, Arashi

[translation]
We tried to paint the future as bright as we can
With too many beautiful colors it seems
And with of somewhat bad things and of broken dreams
So let's spread out our palette once more and paint the future
A picture with too much paint can no longer be brought back to white
But that’s fine, we'll paint tomorrow with a new color

~~~
Forgive my poor translation there *is sheepish, heehee*. I like the song so much – the melody and the lyrics – and I want to share it with everyone. It’s the OST for the film “Honey and Clover.” More importantly, it’s one of Arashi’s songs! XD

I feel a little miserable in the office these days. It’s not about work –work is fine, actually. But 2 weeks ago, my colleagues and I decided to have a sleepover. Apple’s roommate moved out and we were going to keep her company for a night. I was so worked up on it. The thought of sleepovers simply makes me thrilled. To me, it’s a good sign of friendship. So if a friend would suddenly tell me that sleepovers are no fun, I’d be taken aback. I’d be really really sad.

And so, we set the date of our little slumber party. It was not planned out well, actually. It’s more of a spur-of-the-moment. I asked my colleagues if they were free on the coming weekend and they did say ‘yes’. Two days before the set night, my friends confirmed that they’re coming. But, honestly, it felt like I was the only one eager to go. I shouldn’t have insisted. But I did. I guess, it’s a little insensitive and rude of me to insist for them to come when it’s not even my house we’re going to. So finally, 2 of them backed out the day before the sleepover. It was about 8 or 9 in the evening when they sent me their message saying they can’t come, their text messages came one after the other too. I was so upset and so so sorry for myself. I hate self-pity. But I just can’t help but think they don’t want to be with me. It’s a boycott, I thought. I wanted to be nonchalant about the whole thing but I can’t stop feeling hurt. Yeah, I’m such a drama queen. *laughs* In the end, there was only person who was not able to go. . . . Arrh, I was hoping for that person to come most of all. But she didn’t.

I don’t like keeping grudges. I get easily tired of arguments that I’d rather forget the whole thing and start over. But how exactly do you get chummy again with a person who doesn’t seem to want to be with you. Aren’t friends supposed to be happy when they’re together? So, say, I’ve forgiven the person already. But then, she doesn’t appear to genuinely want my company so. . . . . will it be better if I stay away from that person? I wouldn’t want to impose myself on others. Never. So for now, the situation between us is, err . . . . I don’t know. I feel like a fish out of water. How exactly should I behave to a person like that? Oh well, the person doesn’t seem to care at all. I’m probably wasting time and energy over this. I’ll just leave things as it is for now and go back to my Arashi world. LOL. Kidding. Hey, my social life isn't this limited, I assure you. Ahaha. . . . . It’s just a little difficult to understand how a friend could be ignored for more than a day.

So anyway, my friends (a totally different bunch) and I will be going to Zoobic next week. I want to see tora-san! Yeah, just like Aiba –no, slash that, definitely not an encounter with tigers like my dear Aiba-chan’s. But I want to pet them a little at least. =D

Ah, I want to go home right this minute. I just saw the news. On VS Arashi’s special episode, Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz Rolling Coin Towers with the boys . And because I’m the only one here in the office that’s into jpop, there’s nobody that I can fangirl with. Tsk. Everyone in the office is simply crazy with kpop. I try to like it but I just can’t. It’s still very different from jpop. And besides, I like my boys to be pretty, not beefcakes. And unlike kpop boybands, my boys are not mannequins. *docks under the table I know, I know, I’ll be killed for saying that*


**got the pics from Tokyohive