It's a Party!

Those were taken when we went to Dampa to celebrate my lola's and cousin's birthday - plus another cousin will be going to Dubai next month for her new job. I love these family gatherings. These occasions are very rare in our family. And I almost missed it because I had to go to work on that Sunday morning. So I came flying home, so to speak, for fear of being left behind. It was extremely fun. What you see in the photos is not even half of the family. But still, we hardly had any get togethers with that much people. My lola have a big family - was it 8 or 9 children? I forget. My cousins in the picture came from Manila, Baguio, and Rizal; my uncle at the head of the table came from Mindoro. There were about 20 people there - it was a riot. And things got crazier when we went to Mall of Asia after. I had a wonderful time and the laughs my family gave me were priceless. It's a little sad to think that it might take a long time before we can do something like that again.

*****

Because our dvd player is broken for good, I often catch my dad in my room watching his dvds of "the Practice" or "Boston Legal" in the pc. I'd seat behind my Dad, wait for him to finish (for the episode he's on to finish) as I eat my dinner. And because of the few times of being sort of forced to watch the series, I've come to like them too.

There was this line of Denny Crane I really liked. He said "It's fun being me". Then he turned to Alan Shore and asked "Is it fun being you?"

I hope I can say that with as much conviction as Denny Crane had when he said it. So far, though it may not always be fun, I like being me ^^

**yup, i'm just half-way through season 2**

Still Breathing

My brain is constipated.

Maybe not - but it feels that way... I hate this feeling. You feel cold and nauseated - in my case, I think I'm cold and nauseated in a vague kind of way because it's all in my head - and when you feel it's finally coming out and you'll be relieved from it, it just doesn't. I get frustrated.

I'm like a sneeze that can't become one until I sneeze. I'm pushed right up the throat but I refuse to erupt. Then again, it's worthless and impossible to be one - or just even say that I am one - if the actual sneezing doesn't happen. Because without that I would just be an idea, wouldn't I? A mere probability. The air would be more real than me **hahahaha... I tend to get too absorbed with my thoughts sometimes, especially when I'm bored from being bored :p**

I've stopped reading Banana's Amrita for now. At the moment, it just feels too heavy - heavy as a dead body, so to speak. And, I've started on Myles Munroe's "Glory of Living" the other day. Myles visited our church last summer and he has made an immense impression on me that I bought a book he wrote (I even got his autograph^^ hehe). The first sentence I read when I opened the book was "Glory is the goal of life" - words that gushed through and almost broke me.

Last Sunday, my cousins from Baguio came and treated us at Dampa - partly because of our lola's 92nd birthday *amazing, isn't it? ^^* and partly because Ate Ekie will be leaving for Dubai next month. I envy my cousin. I also want to know how it feels to live in another country - not reside there for good, but just for a period of time. I've always lived with my parents, so I guess this urge to live on my own is inevitable. Honestly, I don't want to live alone, but I want to dare myself and see if I can *grins*. My mom and I talked about this the other night. But I can't really do it unless I can wake up on my own (I sleep like a log, and only a very patient person can wake me up). Yes, although this is too embarrassing to admit, my mom still wakes me up in the morning. I don't know what I'd do without her...

Well then, I guess it will all start from that. The first step to becoming a sneeze is to learn how to wake up by myself. *hahahahaha...*

L'Arc~en~Ciel's Life Lessons

I am on leave for a week. Yey!

And on this first day, I found this at LJ:

*7 REAL LIFE LESSONS WE LEARNED FROM L'Arc~en~Ciel*

Let’s see… It’s inspiring, amusing, and funny – funny because they’re true. I give my thumbs up to the writer, Yannen. She deserves a big warm hug ^(*o*)^.

I saw an interview of Hyde the other day – he was blond, so it was probably during the ‘Roentgen’ period. He said that he really wanted to be a painter. But he realized that he could express colors better in music. It was probably due to his colorblindness. Just like Yannen noted, Hyde’s words were “there was just this line that I couldn't cross”. It’s a bit sad, isn’t it? This guy deserves a big warm hug too ^(*o*)^.

NEXUS4 (from Becky)

I'm very happy. Becky has posted her translation of NEXUS4. I love her work ^(*-*)^

NEXUS4
*L'Arc~en~Ciel*
(Becky's translation)

Drifting aimlessly in a traffic jam
The town is in disorder, acid rain pours down
There are no open seats to tomorrow
We're all just dreaming electric sheep who have lost our way

I don't know when the time I've longed for will come, but my smoldering emotions
Can't just sit quietly and wait

If we look up, the jet tearing through the night sky will guide us
These rusty wings haven't rotted away yet; our spirits roar hotter than theirs
Now awaken NEXT AGE

The traps increase infinitely
If we make a mistake with just one, we'll be laughed at and deleted
The future leads to a virtual room
In the end, the only certainty is this feeling

I won't just watch the flames burn away and give up this chance
I can't just sit quietly and wait

If we look up, the jet tearing through the night sky will guide us
If we keep believing and run, I know we'll make it in time
We won't lose speed no matter what
Now jump on board NEXT AGE

You can throw me away, but I'll get you back
I'm the strongest monster and I took my freedom starting from zero

I'll start the countdown buried in a deafening roar
In time with my heartbeat SAY 3 2 1 GO!
If you look up, the jet flying high will take us on our journey
Now jump on board SPACE AGE YOU VIRTUAL GENERATION!

**for the kanji and romanji of the song, please go >here<**

Chu chu chu

And there's nothing more refreshing than Hyde singing beautifully without his lyrics^^ ..hehe - he's just going lalala... I don't know how these demo versions got out. Nobody seems to know and I'd just die of curiosity.

Only, Perfect Blue was cut off *sigh* ... I love that song.




Also, another thing to smile about is the live report of VAMPS that Eleonora shared at the 'Ark BBS'. From the report on Fukuoka, Monoral did the opening act for VAMPS. And Hyde introduced Anis as "the vocalist (he) likes the most in the world." They were supposed to kiss, but it was unclear if they did kiss or not because Hyde made a face and said "I can't, I can't". Well, it really doesn't matter if they did or faked it. Because they already did before in a Halloween live (I'm just unsure if that was 2005 or 2006). Eleonora said Hyde mentioned about it in Le Ciel before. Hyde wrote that he hated having to kiss another guy, but it was already decided and he could no longer back out.

*the live report on Fukuoka that Eleonora translated is 'here'*

About the Halloween live, Yasu (of Acid Black Cherry *don't know if the band is still active though*) also mentioned about that 'here'. And if you read the translation below that page, Yasu seemed to have a great liking for Hyde too. He was right next to Hyde and Anis back then. When the host asked Yasu if he also waited to be kissed, Yasu said "Because to me, there is no difference between a male and female if they are beautiful."

Okashii!

I think I'm having a headache. Something really has gone terribly wrong with me. I was smiling as I was reading the reports just like I smiled when I read the reports on the first Ohmiya kiss at Arashi's concert last summer. Would you know how this is? You'd sort of feel like "Oh, how gross!" for a moment. But then there's this "kyaaa! kawaiii!" feeling that would soon bubble up after. And the only feeling that stays is that fangirl "kyaaaa! KAWAII!"

**for those who want the demo versions, just leave me a message (n_n)**

The Reason

It's amazing how a half of an hour could ruin one's day completely. It's almost weekend and I was more or less excited to go home. But then my boss came, half an hour before I hit log off, asking why I had a case that failed the deadline. I checked the records and that case was not even originally mine. It was my colleague's case that he wouldn't be able to resolve by the deadline he had set because he was on sick leave. So he phoned me in the office and asked that I reset the deadline and put a note that he is still waiting for the schedulers reply. So, that's what I did. Then I gave him back the case with the new deadline. But the problem is, he closed the case with no notes if it was resolved or not – the last notes on it were my notes, ‘from Pau to Joey’. And what’s worse, he closed it past the deadline. And so here comes my Boss demanding that I give a reason why the deadline was missed. And, note, this case was closed last August 1st. I explained that I reset the deadline for Joey (another supervisor knew about it and allowed it), held on the case then returned it to Joey. I don’t even know the details of the case. And if the schedulers would send a reply about it, it would not be addressed to me but to Joey. I gave him a very clear picture of what happened. I’m not even blaming Joey as I know that there’s really a chance (no matter how small and absurd it might be) that a deadline may be missed, especially when there have been no response from schedulers for weeks nor has the customer called to follow up on it – hey, people make mistake sometimes. What I don’t understand is why my Boss insists or have to force out a reason from me. I’m not the resolution owner - I’m not the last one who handled that case. I don’t even know half of what happened. I was just there to reset the deadline so that the team would not get a mark down on that case. So why?! Why should I be punished for a fail that was not mine. But if the rule says that the one who set a deadline is the one to receive a mark down – then go ahead and penalize me. If my boss’ needs an explanation because he’s concerned that this might affect my bonus, please take the money – I’m no beggar. It's preposterous to tag it under the word ‘concern’ because ‘concern’ does not go well with his arrogance. The reason behind that fail does not sit with me.

I was awfully mad that I was trembling. I need a break from work. I need a break from this Boss. He was just recently transferred to our department – he doesn’t even know yet all the intricacies of the work done in our section. And yet, if it were my previous supervisors, this would never be a big deal to them. They would not demand for something I don’t hold. I’ve always thought that people given higher position have better logic than those under them. But I guess that is not always the case. Joey was sitting right next to me, but he kept asking just me. I am still fuming. I want fire to rain like in that picture *points up*, and the scorching debris to pour down hard. And I want to hear them resound as they smash on the ground. I was eager to post these pictures of Shiro earlier. Her character amuses me. It was Betsy who persuaded me to read Deadman Wonderland. I find the manga quite good. So far, I've developed a great liking for Shiro's character. And just today, because of my boss, I found better reason for posting these Shiro pictures. At least one good thing out of a terribly bad thing. And when the rain ends, I want to have that same smile as Shiro's on my lips.

Bored

I miss teaching. I miss it more than how much I say or write here that I miss it. I’m dead bored with work – even if there’s, thankfully, quite a lot that came in this morning. And, note, you’re hearing this from a lazy person. Yes, we’re blessed to have work today. But with teaching, I was never bored. At some points, I may have been tired, stressed, nervous, angry, and there might have been mornings that I did not want to get up. But never bored. Hopefully my students never were too. Except maybe with the writing class – even I didn’t like the lessons there. Most of my students were children - but I got to handle a few adults who were either the same age as me or older. As a whole, I enjoyed my classes immensely. I had a student who never does his homework. The first day he came to my class – he was probably 8 or 9 - he was determined not to do the exercises I gave them. He was a transfer to my class because his previous teacher was assigned to the new students that came at that time. I had no choice really but to accept him. He told me, “Teacher, I don’t want to do again – I did this many times with Teacher *Iforgothername*. Teacher, cursive - I perfect it.” Apparently, he had done numerous writing exercises with his teacher before me. And so, he was adamant not to do the writing task I was giving the class. Then, to avoid the work, he told me a story about his older brother (who was also my student). He said, “Teacher, you know my brother? When we were in Korea he took an English test. The first time, he got 98. Then the second time he got 97. And then again, he got 96… Teacher, my brother, he is the Again Master! Me, I don’t like again.” I tried my hardest not to die laughing. How could I possible get angry with that boy. You could say there’s something wrong with me as a teacher. I don’t really get angry. I get irritated or annoyed. But still. I love my students no matter how much they grow to be the bane of my passion for teaching.

And during lunch, when I used to detest Kimchi as its smell reeked through the entire building, Vivien, my closest co-teacher, and I would sometimes sit at the small park in front of the school. We would sit on an old bench and watch the whole scenery before us – only, it was hard to look at the cemented road as it reflected the intense light of the afternoon sun. But still, I loved being under the sun, especially if I’m stressed with my class. Beside me, Vivien would be writing something (I can’t remember what were they for, probably for class too), and we would just talk. Sometimes, our students would sit with us and ask various questions, from those related with their lessons to pick-up lines - a student was going to Boracay for a week and he seemed desperate for some pick-up lines. Vivien had a list of those ready just for him *laughs*. There might be something wrong with her too, but she is an excellent teacher. And so, we helped him practice a few pick-up lines - though it could hardly be called practice, me and Vivien were laughing the whole time.

I really miss teaching. And I miss my students. The only sour taste of the experience is a malicious headmistress who thinks that a student is hitting on you because he requested for you to be his teacher – and there's also the propect of getting difficult mothers as your students… I wished we had Japanese students. Well, it was a Korean owned language school – but when I applied they told me that it was not exclusive for Koreans. At least I would've understood a bit more of what my student was saying in his native tongue if he were Japanese. My strength in the Korean language is contained in the words ‘chincha (sort of like ‘damn it!’)’, ‘pali (hurry)’, and ‘pabo (stupid)’. Not much of help really. Though it doesn’t bother me if my students are cursing me when they converse in Korean in my presence, I just think being able to understand at least even a little of what they’re talking about would be lovely.

It might not be right to say that I fell in love with the profession considering my brief and limited experience as a teacher – just roughly 2 months. But if I could, I really want to teach in a language school again. It seems to be a very appealing and satisfying job – especially if you’re drinking 3 cups minimum of coffee per day to keep you awake in your present occupation – and yes, there’s also the chance of blogging at times to keep your mind working… hehe

I'm so Happy

Still another translation attempt. And like before, I cannot give my full confidence on this one. But I gave it my best (n_n). 'I'm so happy' is one of my favorite L'Arc~en~Ciel songs. It gives me the impression of someone madly in love and yet deeply broken. One doesn't really have to learn the words of the song to understand that (that's what fascinates me with Laruku's songs). But still, I wanted to translate this - even if others had translated it already.

And again, comments and corrections are welcome (n_n).



I'm so happy
words: hyde music: hyde

Romanji:

tatta ima kimitachi ni utsuru ore wa
totemo kurushisou ni mieru ka mo shirenai
sore demo dou ka korosanaide kure
hontou ni me o tojite shimau made

dou yara tsuke ga mawatte kita you da
aru mono subete suki ni sureba ii
sore demo aa dou ka kanashimanaide hoshii
donna ni kurutte miete mo warawarete mo

hana ni mizu ni hikari nagasareteyuku
kotoba togire nemuri
tsuki ni umi ni itami
nani yori mo aa anata ni aitai

sakki mata nani ka ga chigirete itte
aruku koto suru muzukashii
sore demo dou ka korosanaide kure
anata o ai shite iru kara

itsu no hi ka umare kawareru to shitara motto
anata no soba ni itai dare yori mo

kami ni hada ni ima mo furete itakute
namida nureta hitomi
koe ni yubi ni egao omou na wa aa
anata no koto bakari

I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
I love you… I'm so happy with love

tatta ima kimitachi ni utsuru ore wa
totemo kurushisou ni mieru ka mo shirenai
sore demo dou ka korosanai de kure
hontou ni me o tojite shimau made

-------------------------------------

English:

Right now, people might picture me as someone who’s in excruciating pain.
But still, somehow, don't kill me
Until these eyes finally close for real.

Well, it looks like the price I must pay has come,
Whatever it is, I accept it completely.
But still, somehow, I don't want you to be sad for me,
No matter how crazy or how pathetic I look.

On flowers, on water, light continues to pour.
Words that hinder sleep...
On the moon, on the sea, pain.
More than anything, I want to see you.

Something has long been breaking apart,
And walking has become difficult.
But still, please don't kill me,
Because I love you.

If someday I am able to start over,
The more I'd want to be by your side more than anyone.

Your hair, your skin, even now I want to touch them,
As tears fill my eyes.
Your voice, your fingers, your smile,
My mind is full of nothing else but you.

I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you,
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you,
I love you… I'm so happy with love

Right now, people might picture me as someone who’s in excruciating pain
But still, please don't kill me
Until these eyes finally close for real