. . . on a hazy morning mist . . .

Endless Sky

2011-03-22T13:47:00.018+08:00

(Source: furoido)

When the traces of my tears have dried,
I'll call out to you once again, so answer me
I realized that I'm not alone, let's make our way toward that shining door together

There's an endless sky out there
I hear a clear voice telling me now,
So shall I change this 'self' that is unable to fly?
Let me take that first step and, no matter how many time it takes,
Start over again....

There's nothing you can't see
I hear a clear song telling me,
An undying hope is here
I'll always be ready to stand back up on my feet again
With all my might

--from Hatenai Sora, Arashi [translation from eternity subs]

My heart aches for Japan. For those people who have lost their loved ones. For those who lost their home. For those who lost their town. For those who lost their life. But, yes, there is an endless sky out there. Life continues like that horizon above us. It does not end here. I want to say "so be strong" to those people. I want to say "things will get better, for sure." Just like the sun never failing to rise every morning. But my voice is powerless at the moment. My words irrelevant and weightless.

Help is what matters at this time. I admire how quick Arashi fans have organized a fundraiser to help Japan. To date, they have already raised $21,000. Even though a lot of them may not know people personally who are currently living in Japan. Like me, the people they probably know most are Arashi and the people that had worked with the boys. I don't get why people get exasperated by the overly concern of fans for Japanese artists. If that is how people relate to Japan, then I see nothing wrong with that. What matters is people are concerned and they want to help.

~~I'm still in the office at the moment, so I can't search for the link of the fundraiser that the Arashi fans community has organized over at LJ. I'll edit this and repost it as soon as I get home.~~

Everything you need to know about the fandom fundraiser is here >>AQR<<

It doesn't really matter which fundraiser one gives their donation to. As for me, the best option is 24HRS TV's. ~~I don't have the link and the tutorial with me right now (the site is in Japanese). I'll put all link later when I'm home.~~

Here are the screencaps with guide on how to make a donation to 24HRS TV, as shared by Matsubunny at Arashi no Jidai. The webpage is https://cr.ntv.co.jp/24htv/charity/

where it does not end

2011-01-29T20:33:00.005+08:00

I'm starting the year right, ne? *laughs*

To my most beautiful bb, お誕生日おめでとう! ♥

And here's a cool fan-project just for hysus' day, Secret Celebration ~hyde illustation book~. I like the one with the white tiger the best. Seeing those fan-arts makes me want to draw. But I don't do drawing. LOL. I must say, there have been very few faces I've seen that inspired me to draw them. And, in my life so far, I've only tried to seriously draw just 2, one is hyde and the other one is...... Xena. *laughs* I'm not kidding though. I used to love the show. I don't know. But, shame, I've never met a kid who had the same love for it as I had. Err, why am I bringing up this subject into my post. This is supposed to be only about hysus! Oh well, what done is done. Gomen ne. =)

Hello, My Dear

2011-01-21T13:35:00.012+08:00

Head down as I watch my feet take turns hitting the ground
I should, I find myself in love racing the earth

And I'm soaked in your love
And love was right in my path, in my grasp
And me and you belong

I wanna run, run, smash into you
I wanna run, run, smash into you

--from "Smash Into You",
by Beyonce

*****

*pic from Tenkaijapan*

2011.

I love the sound of it. I am in love with it. This will be a beautiful year, I declare. 2011 means L'Anniversary. And, possibly, Arashi's 3rd Asian tour --but hopely not yet, unless, somehow, I get to Japan then they can start their tour *laugh*. L'Anniversary starts too early for me this year. This May, in fact! I don't know how I can get to Japan by May. But in some way or another, hoping against hope, that I'll get there in time. They say that the world might end on 2012. If I get to see and listen to my BBs live this year, then all hell can break loose in 2012. Hahaha. So, anyway, excuse my blather. It's the fangirl in me talking.

Hmmm..... I actually have no other goal for 2011, apart from my fangirl fantasies. LOL. Life is gradually becoming too small for me. No, life isn't. Scratch that. My space is becoming too small. I don't feel like doing anything. This is bad. Real bad. I have been living under a rock and it seems I don't want to crawl out anytime soon. I guess, if I'm in Japan maybe I'll find something..... something useful to do. Haha.

For now, let's just say I'm madly in love with 2011. Maybe this year I can finally see Japan. And then, somehow, I'll meet Aiba-baby and then we'll start a new life together. Didn't his younger brother just recently got married, and Aiba said he wants to get hitched soon as well. Hahaha. Yeah, this is the fangirl blather again. I can't seem to veer away from it. Well, it's an obsession. So, I guess, that's the idea, right?

So, before I go back under my rock, my obsession, I wish you all the best this year! *Mmwahh!*

A Miracle on Christmas Eve

2010-12-24T09:42:00.004+08:00

To our dearest Miracle boy,

お誕生日おめでとうございます相葉ちゃん! You may not be able to throw a proper birthday bash, there are people around the world who are celebrating your natal day with you. ♥

**p.s. sorry, I forgot who made this beautiful wallpaper =(

the plight of the pins

2010-12-23T12:25:00.016+08:00

It’s been a while, isn’t it? It actually feels weird writing right now. *laughs* So, it’s almost Christmas! I promised myself I’d write something before the year ends. This year has been short of adventures, methinks. However, though there were days that I felt extreme sadness, this year has been full of love as well. On the times that I felt so lonely and unimportant, the people most important to me have made me smile and laugh. As for my fandom, this year is Arashi’s year. I love the boys so much. Just like how it says in their songs, they have turned my tears into smiles (Ew, emo! LOL). And, I may not have gone out of the country this time… but I have so much hope for 2011. =)

I have ordered some Arashi pins last month --the ones they sold during their recent tour. It’s due to come mid-December, but it hasn’t turned up until now. *sigh* They say patience is a virtue, but....... So anyway, when I ordered it, I planned on giving it to friends who are also fans. But then, one of them has shipped out of the fandom. So should I still give one to her? It’ll probably be a waste. But I’m broke already so I don't have the means to go and buy another present. Aargh, This dilemma. How profound. Hahaha. Like I said, I love my boys so much – I’ve been brainwashed *laughs* – so I wouldn’t want to give the pins to someone who doesn’t really care about them, right? Is there somebody out there who understands the plight of a fangirl? LOL. Oh well, I’ll decide when the pins arrive. Like what my mom loves to say, we’ll cross the bridge when we get there.

. . . . . Why did I broach up the pins again? I digress too much. That’s why I can never be a writer. . . .

I'll try to write something more meaningful next time, I promise. But I have to go back to work. Hopefully, I find some quiet time when I get home, or at least some time before the year ends. Hopefully. XD

But before I go, I leave you with this cute picture of my boys. ♥

the utterly confused

2010-10-13T13:44:00.031+08:00

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one” --C.S. Lewis

If I hear anything more relating to kpop, I think I’m gonna be sick. Seriously. It’s one thing for people I know to like it. But it’s another when they drop what you both like completely all because of kpop artists with abs. Grrrr. It’s infuriating. The person I’m talking about is the very same person who did not attend the slumber party. I don’t care if she reads this because my feelings were treated like shit. So the hell with it. Looking at that quote above, it seems there really wasn’t anything we had in common... I’m trying to be more understanding because, really, I’m upsetting myself over this trivial matter. If we’re friends, then we’re friends. To become a friend of another, shouldn't there be at least one tiny – no matter how small – something that you and that person have something in common. Sharing a liking for something maybe. But if that tiny thread that binds you together snaps, then what? I know I’m wrong. I shouldn’t feel this way. I, in all honestly, feel a little ashamed getting so wound up over this. Besides, my ’friend’ and I are actually on speaking terms now. Everything should be okay now. But somehow, there’s something different, like something is amiss; or there’s something before that’s no longer there. Probably because I love jpop so much, and she kpop. She and I both liked Arashi before. But after Rain’s concert, she has, I strongly feel, abandoned the Arashi fandom completely. Well, in all fairness, she loved Rain first and only got into jpop because we became seatmates and she was intrigued what I was always watching. But hey, I've got nothing against Rain *that's just silly, lol* because I kinda like him too because of FullHouse .... This may sound very shallow. Indeed. But, the thing is, it was on that penchant for Arashi that we became friends. If she doesn’t like them anymore, that’s perfectly fine. But then, there would be nothing we can talk about. Our conversations had always been centered on that same obsession. We are not prepared for this. We, I guess, weren’t able to find something else that we’ll enjoy both when one of us bugs out of the fandom. It’s a little sad because there should be. There are millions of things out there that we can share the same liking for. To think we’ve known each other for about three years now too. We can talk about life in general now. On just about anything under the sun. But there seems to be none. So I realized, there’s really nothing I can talk to about with this person. Again, if we’re different then that should still be okay, right? We should get along just fine. But, again, this person rarely comes over to my station in the office to chat, even though my station is only 10 paces from hers. It can easily be just me who’ll go to her desk. But I don’t dare. Gawd, I won’t. Not right now. I’m being a pain, I know. So be it. Because I’m not confident that this person is thrilled to speak to me. And I don’t want to impose myself again like last time. Arrrh, I’m such a pain! Everything should be back to normal. Maybe, it does look like it is because we’re talking. But everything is NOT okay. But I shut it. A friend should be able to feel that something is amiss. But I guess I’m wrong again. I must be. I don’t know anymore. Like I said on my post prior this one, I’ll leave things as it is and see what happens. Maybe we’ll find what’s missing. Maybe I’ll find it. *sigh*

And as if this dilemma isn't enough, I've got the kpop craze to irk me some more. What's up with their reality/variety shows. I don't get it at all. It's not just my type of entertainment, I guess. But everyone in the office is simply crazy about them. I. Don't. Get. It. It's frustrating. There's this reality show where 2 kpop idols pretend to be married. I don't like the concept at all. I must really be getting old. Idols pretending to be married. Pretending to fall in love. I go for simpler settings. Like Arashi's Mago Mago where they become grandchildren for a day, helping grandparents with their work or chores. Or the Mago Mago segment "Totsugeki Kodomo no Bangohan" wherein Arashi cooks dinner for kids (Ah, I'll never forget Aiba's bell pepper stuffed meat because his meat stuffed bell pepper was a fail, lol). There's another Korean reality show where idols try to take care of a toddler. Hmmm, sounds like Kodomo no Bangohan, doesn't it? I tried to watch that kpop show. Really. But it's sooo dragging. Or maybe I'm just too biased. idk. Hahaha...

For now, I’ll think of this coming Saturday. Yes, I’ll think of happy things. *smiles* My friends and I are going to Zoobic. I was hesitant to go, but then Rach said we can pet the tigers just like Aiba. So I’ve decided I’ll come. Rach said the magic word. Aiba. Hahahaha~

~~(I’ll find a proper screencap from TSD when I get home)~~

**kawaii ne!**

**but if it's like this, then It's okay if I don't pet it. LOL**

Let's paint the future once more

2010-10-06T12:34:00.017+08:00

Asu o mabushii kurai ni umaku egakou toshite
Bokura wa kirei na iro o nuri sugita mitai
Chotto kakkowarui koto mo kowareta yume no iro mo
Paretto ni hiroge mou ichido asu wo egakou
Kitto nurisugita irotte shoro ni modorenai kedo
Sore de ii atarashi iro de asu o egakou

--from Aozora Pedaru, Arashi

[translation]
We tried to paint the future as bright as we can
With too many beautiful colors it seems
And with of somewhat bad things and of broken dreams
So let's spread out our palette once more and paint the future
A picture with too much paint can no longer be brought back to white
But that’s fine, we'll paint tomorrow with a new color

~~~
Forgive my poor translation there *is sheepish, heehee*. I like the song so much – the melody and the lyrics – and I want to share it with everyone. It’s the OST for the film “Honey and Clover.” More importantly, it’s one of Arashi’s songs! XD

I feel a little miserable in the office these days. It’s not about work –work is fine, actually. But 2 weeks ago, my colleagues and I decided to have a sleepover. Apple’s roommate moved out and we were going to keep her company for a night. I was so worked up on it. The thought of sleepovers simply makes me thrilled. To me, it’s a good sign of friendship. So if a friend would suddenly tell me that sleepovers are no fun, I’d be taken aback. I’d be really really sad.

And so, we set the date of our little slumber party. It was not planned out well, actually. It’s more of a spur-of-the-moment. I asked my colleagues if they were free on the coming weekend and they did say ‘yes’. Two days before the set night, my friends confirmed that they’re coming. But, honestly, it felt like I was the only one eager to go. I shouldn’t have insisted. But I did. I guess, it’s a little insensitive and rude of me to insist for them to come when it’s not even my house we’re going to. So finally, 2 of them backed out the day before the sleepover. It was about 8 or 9 in the evening when they sent me their message saying they can’t come, their text messages came one after the other too. I was so upset and so so sorry for myself. I hate self-pity. But I just can’t help but think they don’t want to be with me. It’s a boycott, I thought. I wanted to be nonchalant about the whole thing but I can’t stop feeling hurt. Yeah, I’m such a drama queen. *laughs* In the end, there was only person who was not able to go. . . . Arrh, I was hoping for that person to come most of all. But she didn’t.

I don’t like keeping grudges. I get easily tired of arguments that I’d rather forget the whole thing and start over. But how exactly do you get chummy again with a person who doesn’t seem to want to be with you. Aren’t friends supposed to be happy when they’re together? So, say, I’ve forgiven the person already. But then, she doesn’t appear to genuinely want my company so. . . . . will it be better if I stay away from that person? I wouldn’t want to impose myself on others. Never. So for now, the situation between us is, err . . . . I don’t know. I feel like a fish out of water. How exactly should I behave to a person like that? Oh well, the person doesn’t seem to care at all. I’m probably wasting time and energy over this. I’ll just leave things as it is for now and go back to my Arashi world. LOL. Kidding. Hey, my social life isn't this limited, I assure you. Ahaha. . . . . It’s just a little difficult to understand how a friend could be ignored for more than a day.

So anyway, my friends (a totally different bunch) and I will be going to Zoobic next week. I want to see tora-san! Yeah, just like Aiba –no, slash that, definitely not an encounter with tigers like my dear Aiba-chan’s. But I want to pet them a little at least. =D

Ah, I want to go home right this minute. I just saw the news. On VS Arashi’s special episode, Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz Rolling Coin Towers with the boys . And because I’m the only one here in the office that’s into jpop, there’s nobody that I can fangirl with. Tsk. Everyone in the office is simply crazy with kpop. I try to like it but I just can’t. It’s still very different from jpop. And besides, I like my boys to be pretty, not beefcakes. And unlike kpop boybands, my boys are gods not mannequins. *docks under the table ~~I know, I know, I’ll be killed for saying that~~*

**got the pics from Tokyohive

at least, me has wallpaper

2010-08-12T16:55:00.010+08:00

So we've changed our OS to Vista recently in the office. I don't think I like it. It has so many buttons and icons that clutter my windows. And it's slow... or maybe that's just with our connection or the hardware. But I love the Window Switcher feature. Looks cool, isn't it? =)

And yeah, my wallpaper is vampstastic! LOL. We were not allowed to pick a wallpaper before. But now I have all the inspiration I need by just looking at my desktop.... Though, of course, I have to fight the urge to ogle at my desktop so I can bring up my windows and do my work. XD

something new and something old

2010-07-29T14:53:00.008+08:00

Hello there! How do you like my new layout? I just had an impulse to change it yesterday. I like my old layout actually. I love it for its simplicity and for being my brainchild, of course. But then, I think it’s time to give my virtual home a revamp. So I had been searching for a good template since yesterday. The hardest part is to find something you’ll like in millions of available templates in millions of sites out there. Thank heavens for Beta Templates! Ahehehe. I found a few other good templates. But this one I’m using is my current favorite. Obviously. =)

It’s sunny today. The sky yonder is grey though. I hope it doesn’t rain on my way home. I got my dad’s foldable umbrella in my bag. But I’d hate to take it out and then fold it back, especially when it’s dripping wet. I’m lazy like that.

And I hope it doesn't rain this Saturday. One of my classmates in high school is getting married and I’ll be attending her wedding. A friend called me last weekend and told me about it. The church will be the one down the road from my place so I've got no reason to be absent, he said. Just my luck. It’s not that I don’t want to go. But I’ve also got another set of friends coming over the night before that, which will most probably result into a sleepover. And the wedding ceremony starts at 8:30 in the morning. I’d hate to get out bed. I hate waking up early on Saturday mornings. But the funny thing is, I will get up early this Saturday and I will attend the wedding. I have to. I guess. *laughs* I haven’t even bought a gift yet. and my cousin borrowed my camera, which won’t be returned until maybe next week. Like I said, just my luck.
It’s almost 3pm again. I should be tidying my desk now. . . . I really hope I’d be able to bring my self out of bed this Saturday. I really do. And I so badly want my friends to sleep over. I’m pathetic, no? XD

Dean is the keyword!

2010-07-28T15:11:00.021+08:00

Me: I hate the angels in Supernatural. The representation is just so wrong.
Daddy: Dear, that’s why it’s fiction. It’s not true.
Me: But still. It’s wrong.
Daddy: Then why do you still watch?
Me: I have a thing for Dean.

I am so unproductive these days. What should one do when his inspiration is zilch? I’m merely floating through each God-given day. This lassitude must be a crime. Just the other day, I was listening to a preaching of Myles Munroe and he said that the greatest tragedy in life is not death but life without a purpose. And purpose is exactly what I don’t have right now. Sometimes when you hear too much about life and purpose, and you don’t really action on it, your heart grows unsympathetic and cold. So, you become listless and apathetic. I don’t know if that’s true for everyone but it is for me. In fact, I think, I have already become so well adjusted to letting the waves of life take me wherever it rolls. I feel nothing. It bothers me but not enough to stress me out. Am I not doomed if I don't change my routine soon? I know I am. My colleagues are planning to go abroad to work and are asking me if I want to jump in. It's capricious, I think. The job will only be for six months. So, I don't know. Too risky. But, everything is still up in the air anyway. So, for now, I’ll see how far I can go with this current lifestyle. I'll find my next step, sure. But let the waves carry me through each day in the interim.

I learned a word today. Obfuscate. I came across the word from a news article. It means to confuse or to make obscure. It’s funny --I mean, who uses such a word these days? I don’t. And I won’t. Would you? Hahaha . . . . Sorry, I’m too random. This is the result of being a loafer.

So anyway, I’ve got Supernatural to fritter away what little energy I have these days. Yeah, I’ve been hooked as well. Though I must admit there are some things in the plot that are too hard to swallow. But heck! What's an iffy story line compared to Dean Winchester, right? LOL. I love the first and second season. Uhm, the 3rd season is okay. But the story just went downhill for me when it entered the fourth season. It’s getting more infuriating as the story unfolds. But then again, Dean is there so I still watch. I’m pathetic, I know. I can’t help being a girl, can I? Yeah, you probably wouldn’t understand. I love you if you do. *laughs*

I‘m in the office still. Our system is down so I can’t really work now. And so, more loafing ensues, hehehe. Opposite my station, my colleague is playing ‘Gee’ of SNSD as he tidies up his workstation and tucks away his things in his pedestal. The song is a current favorite here in the office --not sure if Gee really is the title. It gets played everyday at the start of the shift, like an anthem during flag ceremonies, and before we hit ‘log-out’. It's a fun song, shakes off some of our stress from work. And honestly, apart from the "oh yeah!", I don't understand one bit of the song. But the part where it goes "geegeegeegeegee" is somehow --what's the word-- stimulating. XD Oh, which reminds me, I'd better clear up my station too before the song ends. Need to be home early so I can watch much Supernatural.

But before I go, here's something for a bit of lulz.

Adios amigos! (^_^)//

surely a rainbow appears after the rain

2010-06-30T19:55:00.004+08:00

I can't read kanji well enough to know exactly what this is about. But I have a gut feeling this is something big. A Laruku, Luna Sea, and Glay collaboration?! It can't get any bigger than that, can it? Oh, suddenly I feel alive! LOL

From Job, "Ready to shut up and listen"

2010-06-14T14:17:00.040+08:00

I was arguing with a friend, who is a realist, about God and His existence. We couldn’t agree on anything. I wanted him to understand that what I’m telling him is the truth. And, I guess, he also wanted me to understand his truth. . . . But we’re friends. LOL. I love this person and I always have fun talking to him –even though we don’t share the same views. I just got frustrated because we used to have the same beliefs before so I wanted to pull him back on my side. And it bothered me that he always have a counterargument ready to whatever I tell him. We talked about creation, evolution, and God’s ways. I know he has read more than I do. He knows a lot more than I do. It was foolish of me to try to convince him. God told me to stop. *laughs* Yes, He did.

I know that God does not want us to blindly follow Him. If He did, then I wouldn’t be thinking now and saying these things. So whatever questions I have I will bring them to God. He said in Isaiah, "Come. Sit down. Let's argue this out.", Or, in another version, He said "Come now, let us reason together." It feels good to know that God is willing to slow down for me, sit down with me and help me understand things. =)

So, going back to my friend's argument, the theory that this world was born out of nothingness or an infinite set of universes beyond and before. But why are there natural laws? Laws that everything in this world follow? Is that really possible without a creator? Can things be set in motion without a first mover? In this world that operates like clockwork, can those laws really just be there without anyone setting them? Why am I born? Why is every person born? Why haven’t anyone came to being from another method? Am I to believe that humans came from lifeless matter and came to life through natural causes? What could have breathe life to the very first human if it’s not God? And then, if there’s no Creator, after the first man came to being, why then does everyone else has to be born out of a mother's womb? Why can't others come to being like that first human? I can’t comprehend it.

And then, I was also asked about Evolution. Sure, I don’t know the complete data about it. But if we have a common ancestor as with apes, then why are we the only advanced species that stemmed out of that ancestor? Well, I believe we have the same creator as with the apes, so I wouldn’t wonder if some of their attributes are similar to ours. Just like the masterpieces of an artist, won't his works have similarities to each other? ...But then, going back to Evolution, why are we the only ones who have advanced in reasoning? Why haven’t other species caught up yet? I mean, some of them have been here longer than us, right? There’s got to be something different with humans. Something superior. Why do we search for meaning and purpose for being alive? I don’t think we can create our existence’s meaning ourselves. For one, we did not create ourselves; we were born into this world.

And lastly, on morality. My friend said, “This is an angry, immature, volatile, and spiteful God you worship…. The Bible is contradicting and pre-scientific. Take Lot's story for instance. God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah. All of the people there. Do you know that towns usually have babies and children? Why didn't God save them?” It hurt me to hear him say those things. Neither do I know why He let them die there. I was at a loss for words.

I was so frustrated….. I wanted to wrestle with God just like Jacob –-I don’t want to let Him go until He gives me answers. And, like Job, I wondered why bad things happen to innocent people. I have been reading Job’s story in the Bible for a few days now. Another friend lend me a book, which inspired me to read the story. Job was a man totally devoted to God. And God had blessed him so and He was very proud of Job --even referred to Job as His friend. But one day Satan asked God ""Does Job fear [revere] God for nothing?". So the Lord allowed the devil to take away Job's wealth, his family, and status in society. And he suffered from terrible boils throughout his body too. He kept importuning God for answers, but He was silent. Only right at the end did God finally spoke to him. (It's better, I guess, if you read the whole story so you'd understand why God did not answer Job right away but waited.)

Job cried,
“…why are we kept in the dark?
There are people out there getting by with murder—
stealing and lying and cheating….
…. People are dying right and left, groaning in torment.
The wretched cry out for help
and God does nothing, acts like nothing's wrong!”

But then, who are we to question God. He rebuked me and showed me how foolish I was to try and explain His being to another person. I cannot. Job said “Why do you always take [God’s] side? Do you think He needs a lawyer to defend Himself?” I felt so embarrassed. God is God. It’s not for me to justify His actions. Should a creation be equal its creator? . . . . . Sometimes, I’m afraid of knowledge. Sometimes, when people have read and learned too much they can become arrogant and cocky, can’t they? It gets harder to believe in God... How does one teach humility to someone who knows so much already. I guess, only God knows. *laughs*

When God finally answered Job, He said

“I have some questions for you,
and I want some straight answers.
Where were you when I created the earth?
Tell me, since you know so much!
Who decided on its size? Certainly you'll know that!
Who came up with the blueprints and measurements?”

"Do you presume to tell me what I'm doing wrong?
Are you calling me a sinner so you can be a saint?
Do you have an arm like my arm?
Can you shout in thunder the way I can?”

And in Isaiah too, God said,

"I don't think the way you think.
The way you work isn't the way I work.
For as the sky soars high above earth,
so the way I work surpasses the way you work,
and the way I think is beyond the way you think."

I know it’s wrong to stay ignorant. We have to grow, we have to mature –we can’t stay as babies forever. To mature in body, mind, and spirit. But I won’t be too cocky to believe I can ever understand God completely. But I'm glad to have asked those questions. I realized I don’t know much of God’s word and how much I thirst for it. So I guess, arguing with my friend wasn’t so bad. And hey, we’re good friends until now. LOL.

p.s. the Bible's version I used is the Message =)

Where the sky gets bluer everyday

2010-05-25T14:59:00.015+08:00

Ah, a short break from the grind. There’s still so much work but, hell, these hands need their time off. LOL. I haven’t been updating lately. To be honest, there’s nothing to write about really. Of course, abject drudgery is a valid excuse. Ahaha.... At about an hour and a half before our shift ends, everyone here in the office is probably worn out by now. My colleague is playing this ~video~ for some lulz to liven up the atmosphere a little. And it’s kinda working a bit. Yeah, sammer and the bi*ches. XD

So anyway, my L’Arc DVD arrived almost a month ago. So many beautiful performances in there. I can hardly pick a favorite. At the moment, my heart is rooting for ‘My Heart Draws a Dream”, especially when the crowd started singing and Hyde answers with his beautiful, beautiful falsetto. It’s mesmerizing. That performance is enough driving force to attend their 20th anniversary. If I don’t make it, my heart will forever be broken . . . . I’m still mulling over ripping my dvd. My main purpose is so I can watch the concert over and over and not get my copy scratched, hehehe. It’s fan-girl/OC thing.

胸が痛くて痛くて壊れそうだから
かなわぬ想いならせめて枯れたい!
--Flower, L'Arc~en~Ciel

"My heart hurts, and hurts, and is about to break,
If [this dream] won’t come true, then just let me wither."

A friend went to Japan just a few days ago. I was awfully jealous. Before she went she said the trip was so sudden she couldn’t take anyone with her and she might not be able to buy stuff for us. I was so depressed . . . . Ahahaha. But, of course, we were sincerely happy for her. It was like our dream for years to visit Japan. And now she got to go. And she bought us all kinds of candies and crackers. In addition, she gave me and my sister an uchiwa each –mine has Tegoshi and my sister’s has the whole Arashi. I was so happy I forgive her completely for going without us. XD

Oh, and I've got this new blondie to moon about. ♥

**this was from Tokyo FM's site**

Before I go back to the grind

2010-04-23T14:17:00.014+08:00

My current life can be summed up to full-time work plus part-time job. That’s eight hours in the office in the morning and then 2 hours for my second job in the evening. The remaining hours of the day are spent in travel time, to and fro my jobs and my home, and sleeping –but mostly travel time. I run on three hours of sleep on a daily basis. And so, my greatest fear at the moment? Eye bags. *laughs* But, yeah, seriously. Oh life, why must we come to this? For the love of love. Yes, that's what brought me to this. I can't explain it any better than that. And crazy is crazy. So there.

I am pretty much happy for having a second job. It’s fun. But then, I will soon give it up because my body cannot cope with the schedule really. Me is too skerred of eye bags. *chuckles* Well, not just that. I don’t really earn much from the second job – and I can't afford to be impractical at these times. I wanted to have a second job because I need to earn money. Though I love the job too, actually. But seeing how things are, my dream will not be realized with this little endeavor. I am spending more that what I earn. And my life has been reduced to work, travel, and a little sleep. I miss the sun too. I leave the house at 5AM and then I get home at 11PM. And yeah, I miss sleep too.

Apart from that ridiculous schedule, life goes on. . . . .

Oh, a few weeks ago, a certain someone sent me an email and said he wanted to see me. He said he’d do anything (forgot what his exact words are because I deleted the message already, hehe). I refused. That was about 2 weeks ago. And I haven’t heard from him since. Whew, good riddance. Ahahaha. I don’t despise the person. I simply hate his guts. That’s all. It’s just that this person had been a close of friend of mine so I had mixed feelings about putting it all behind --whatever it was we had. So somehow, I was hoping we could be on good terms again. But then, I realized I don’t need any of it. I just couldn’t say it to him as easily and as clear-cut like that. And he's too stubborn it's frustrating.

So anyway, HE is not my main point here. *laughs* Only, I have realized -because he kept bringing up the word regret and he just wouldn’t let it go- that tomorrow does not really know the meaning of regret. So why bother? It’s something that feeds on the past, the past which I can't change. I’m not saying I will regret nothing from now on. But I will never wallow in it. So, crap regret! I will look only to tomorrow. That is something I have power over. Something I can change somehow. I know I will still make mistakes and wrong decisions in the future. But no matter what happens, even if I hit rock bottom, I will always have tomorrow to look forward to.

Eww, ang emo ko. Yaks. Hahaha.

Okay, moving onto happier stuff, I ordered Laruku’s TOUR 2008 L’7 - Trans ASIA via PARIS DVD. And I’m hoping it arrives soon. Today, if possible. *fingers crossed* This is exactly the kind of thing where I don’t like tomorrow much. LOL. And VAMPS also has a new single. I’m not really crazy about the PV. But, of course, I love all the parts where Hyde is on screen. lolz. Yes, even the kiss. But apart from our beloved smurf trying so hard to show how manly he is ~~(gawd, he is sooo cute in the pv, you can’t convince this fangirl otherwise)~~, the pv is ridiculously risqué. And, I mean, why would I want to see half-naked women as they twist their bodies around in incredibly bizarre positions? And some scenes are just too indecent. EWW.

But, of course, I died seeing this. So naturally, I pre-ordered it right away. *grins*

**snagged screencap from Lady of Flowers. Thanks dear &hearts**

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Tonight, I’ll be at Potipot with beautiful people for some vacation. Yeah! =D

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The Remington hair irons we, my colleagues and I, ordered finally arrived. We waited for more than a month for these only to find out we can’t use them in the office. They’re only for 100-120V and we don’t have any transformer in the office. Uhm, I’m not really sure, but I doubt that there is one here. The horror! At least, I have a transformer at home. So now, I will have two hair irons at home to use. Meep.

Okay, I better stop here. I did not intend to make this post this long and for it to be too arbitrary.

Ja ne! (^_^)