ersatz post

. . . .


I could just copy and paste it here. But, oh well, am too lazy to bother so [HERE]


(n___n)

They say life begins at 40

To our dearest dearest,



~
A soft and quiet breath escapes from my lips.
I tie it on a paper airplane,
and release it to the heavens.
No matter how far, it travels
to find its way to you.
A wisp of a warm breeze, a stray summer's kiss,
to gently brush your hair and,
ever so softly,
whisper a blessing to your ear.

I stagger in the face of beauty

Noey. This girl. She surprises me at times with her writing. I know she's good. But she can still take me by surprise with her words.

I don't think I have a good eye to appreciate a poem fully. To put it bluntly, I'm poor in poetry. In the same way I listen to Japanese songs, that's how I read poems. Like gazing at a painting. Like eating pastries. Like watching the sky. Somehow, the hardest to describe is beauty. I'm always at a loss for word.

But shush. There's no good blabbing on about these things. Just like a beautiful picture, it's always better to to just show the picture to others. And easier that way too.

[Noey's Poem]

Sleepovers are Fun

Samson
Regina Spektor
>>here<<

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth
I have to go, I have to go
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
He ate a slice of wonder bread and went right back to bed
And history books forgot about us and the bible didn't mention us
And the bible didn't mention us, not even once

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the stars came fallin' on our heads
But they're just old light, they're just old light
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson came to my bed
Told me that my hair was red
Told me I was beautiful and came into my bed
Oh I cut his hair myself one night
A pair of dull scissors in the yellow light
And he told me that I'd done alright
And kissed me 'til the mornin' light, the mornin' light
And he kissed me 'til the mornin' light

Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
Ate a slice of wonderbread and went right back to bed
Oh, we couldn't bring the columns down
Yeah we couldn't destroy a single one
And history books forgot about us
And the bible didn't mention us, not even once

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first

-----

I feel lazy today. Funny, I'm almost sure that the moment I utter that out loud work would come rushing in. And there’d be no room for dawdling or nap. *hehehe… sheepish* It’s not like I sleep at work on purpose. There are certain days that seem too slow it’s almost inevitable to fall asleep. I know, I know. It’s wrong.

The weather has gotten warm again. Taking a bath is no longer a big trial to dread for every morning. And I finally caught a glimpse of the sun! What a lovely, lovely face she has. My friends and I had a sleepover at Botan’s place last Friday night and I discovered something else that could keep me awake other than coffee. Since there’s not enough space in Botan’s room for the whole lot of us, Rachel, Botan, and I were to sleep at the living room and share the large sofa bed there. We watched a subbed episode of G no Arashi (the one with an Aiba board game) and some of ItteQ’s. They were sooo hilarious that Botan and I ended up not sleeping a wink. Laughter is a very very good medicine and energizer. Well, with Rachel... uhm... I guess it’s not the same for everyone. In the morning after, we replayed the episodes she missed for her. But before we got to the good parts of the video, she was already sound asleep again. It was frustrating >.< (I love you, Rach! hehe).

Every morning, it has become a daily routine of Botan, her mom, and her aunt to take a stroll to a small hill nearby their village. So my friends and I joined them on that Saturday morning (though not all, only the ones we managed to wake up). Botan and I still had some extra energy to spare probably from the laughs we had. But I drank a bit of coffee too (just to be sure that sleep won’t suddenly hit me and I drop dead in the middle of the road) before we headed out. As we were nearing the hill, Botan nonchalantly pointed out that the hill is by the periphery of Muntinlupa City Jail. It was such a pleasant morning, the air was cool and I could see the rays of the sun over the hill, that what she said felt like a natural thing to say. “Oh really?” my friends and I were chuckling. The walk was refreshing. When we reached the top of the hill, sunlight welcomed us with the warmest embrace as if to say ‘I missed you.’ Smiling, I silently replied ‘So this is where you’ve been hiding!’ We’ve got real love, the sun and I *smiles*.

We did a few stretches (me, Botan, Ces, and Za) and then sat on the rocks near a tree protruding at the edge of the hill. It was the only tree there actually. We chatted a bit as we wait for our Titas to finish their own stretches. The grass was cold as the morning breeze. About five paces from where we were sitting, the grass grew tall and some chips plastic wrappers and an empty bottle of gin were lying at the fore. And to it’s left, there was a bare spot on the ground with some sort of markings. Za said it’s a gangster’s mark. Curiously, none of us were alarmed. It must be the sun finally appearing that made us feel safe. And, of course, the fact that Botan and her mom (with a couple of other people from the neighborhood) tread to that place for their early morning walks or jogs added to it.

It was nice to watch the houses beneath the hill and the people (and dogs) as they start their day. We could also view the South Super Highway and, over yonder, the Laguna bay. From that distance, the bay water looked dreary and misty. The gray outlines of far off mountains were visible too. This excited Ces and Zarah –-as expected of our mountaineers, hehe.

After a while, we started to pad down from the top. I could feel a bit of sweat on my back. It was good. I think I haven’t perspired ever since the cold had gone crazy. Imagine, all the fat I gained from the countless binge over the holidays, and I did nothing to sweat them out. What would I come to? Well, naturally, I don’t perspire easily. But it was more like not even a strenuous activity could bring me to perspire due to the cold.

When we got back, the others were already awake and starting on breakfast. That short hike made Za and me hungry that we wolfed down whatever was served for breakfast. I had spaghetti, fried rice, hotdog, and a dish with ground pork (sort of Menudo). It’s amazing how a short walk could make the tiny me gobble them all food down huh. And then Rachel huddled us for our little ‘Caregroup service’. That is something like a cell group in a church –-but not really. I was already too exhausted by that time that I almost fell asleep holding the glass of grape juice and biscuit. Uhm, we were having a small ‘Communion’ then. (sorry, am too tired explain these things)

After that, I finally got some sleep. Lunchtime came, and I woke up because I couldn’t breathe. Za was sitting on me. I wiggled with all my strength, as I try to utter “Za-,“ to topple her. And when I was finally able to sit, I gave her the look that clearly says, “What’s the big idea?” She laughed and replied that that method was the best she could think of to wake me up (in all fairness, it sure did). She casually got up and then, before leaving the room, she added something like, “it’s lunch, eating time.” Ah, friends. When friends are audacious enough to do stunts like that (close to killing you --and with the confidence that it won’t) just to wake you up for something good, then you’d know they’re true. Ahahaha. You must be thinking I’m crazy. Well... oh well, I'll leave it at that :p

I remember, on that Friday, I was particularly very sleepy due to lack of sleep. I’ve been watching some videos in youtube -the day before- until almost midnight. And when I got home from work, I was supposed to only eat a bit of dinner then head out to Botan’s. But I fell asleep immediately after dinner. I woke up only from Rachel’s voice, calling me as she rested on my bed. Earlier that day, she was somewhere in Makati or Cubao (I think --anyway, what’s certain is she was in a place quite far from my house) and was supposed to head straight to our sleepover party. But she called my house first to check on me. And when she learned from my sister that I was sleeping already, she went out of her way just to force me out of bed and practically drag me over Botan’s place.

Though those bits may sound cruel, I can’t help but feel I’m swallowed by an enormous love that's keeping me warm throughout my days. I'm really really thankful for having me friends (n_n).

. . . *smiles* . . .

So now, I go back to work. I think my head had been loquacious enough. Far too much, I guess. Must focus back to work.

Adieu.

For the Love of Loves

I was browsing through a site somewhere when I read, “fangirls are idiots”. I flared up immediately, and I was thinking 'Damnation!'
Puh. (>.<)

Okay, let me straighten things out. While there are stupid fangirls, ‘Fangirling’ is NOT stupidity. Generalizing that all fangirls are idiots – just because some people are and who happen to be fans - is a fallacy and plain idiocy. Similar to what one of my previous bosses loved to reiterate to us, “there are no stupid questions, only stupid people.” There are no stupid 'fandom', only stupid fans. :p

I’m sorry. This kind of thing does not usually - and should not - agitate me. But, well, I’m making my statement on this once and for all. Never again will I be bothered like this in the future.

*inhale… exhale*

There, I feel much better now that that’s out of my system.

I was reading through my flist over at lj awhile ago too, and I saw a post on L’Arc~en~Ciel through the ages. A thought flashed in my mind after watching the compilation video, ‘Laruku is amazing’. I hope tesu8no8niji wouldn’t mind if I repost here the video that asakk made. Seeing those clips was nostalgic too. I was still in college when I became a fan (was it 2004? though, I think I already learned of the band late 2003?). The PVs released from that time, and when I first saw the older ones, bring along memories from my own existence as well. So, yes, Laruku has ceased in being a mere band I simply admire.

I need to see Jack in the Box 2008. I really hope it gets aired or something. I want to see it. Laruku members were all present; though, as themselves, not as the band.

*pics from BARKS*


*there's Ken

*Haido (with Aki of SID?)

*and Leader --Testu with Takanori Nishikawa (T.M. Revolution)

*And Haido again
*Yuki was there too; he was the drummer for session-A. I just couldn't find him in the pictures.

[flailing calls]

The side-b song for VAMPS next single will be a cover song of Shampoo's "Trouble". That would be very, very cool! (got the news from Viiiii at the Ark bbs) Remember PowerRangers?

収録曲：CD/1.I GOTTA KICKSTART NOW 2.TROUBLE

Ok, bye!

Gabby

Tension is a Passing Note
Sixpence None the Richer
>>>here<<<

Do I murder
When I forget you from afar
Too drunk on the poison of endless roads
And the countless smokey bars

But tension is to be loved
When it is like a passing note
To a beautiful, beautiful chord

Do I murder us
Putting pavement in my veins
Shooting in a special heroin
For the seeking and displaced

But tension is to be loved
When it is like a passing note
To a beautiful, beautiful chord


-----

The way this day is unfolding is irritating me. The sun is still nowhere to be seen. The sky looks pale and ghastly without her. I did not have enough sleep last night –-it’s no one’s fault really but moi. I stayed up real late watching random clips of a prospective welcome distraction or addiction. Me is pathetic, I know --ahahaha. Consequently, it was a struggle to get out of bed this morning, and I was almost late for work because my stomach ached. I missed breakfast. And now I missed lunch. I went over to Kristell’s station to watch some more welcome distractions, but we couldn’t because she was suddenly given urgent work. So I came back to my station with my grumbling tummy feeling dejected. And later, I’m going to Botan’s house for a sleepover. But my sister won’t be coming because she has an effing quiz tomorrow morning. I don’t even have any idea on what food I’ll bring later. Oh life! Yeah, I need to get one. Hahaha…

This is not good. I should be thankful that these are my only troubles right now, right? It must be the cold. Yes, that's it. It’s getting in my head, impeding my thoughts and reason. Heehee. So hush. I’m going to stop being grumpy and gabby. I’m okay now. And, a little while ago, Kristell and I were finally able to watch something. She came to my station instead during her lunch.

Maybe one reason why I’m so annoyed is because I don’t have something to think about. I should be reading a book right now. I’m doing better with my TBR, by the way. There’re only about 3 pages left in Amrita that I haven’t read, and I finished Takeshi Kitano’s ‘Boy’ yesterday. With that and half of Amrita, it would roughly be 16 ounces off my TBR *beams*.

Oh, speaking of books, my Powerbooks’ powercard expired. I didn’t notice that it’s been a year since I last bought a book there. There must have been at least one book that I purchased last year, but it may either be that I did not bring the card when I bought it or I got it from a different store. I don’t really know. But now all my points are forfeited, sadly. *SIGH* I was only aware of this all when I bought ‘Boy’ last Sunday. I suddenly remembered I have a powercard; but then, when I glanced at the date on it, the expiration date was already past. Makes me think ‘time could really go by without us noticing.’ It flows everyday just like everything else: light, air, music, coffee, atoms, cells, words, conversations, relationships, age, feelings, love, musings, blogs, life… Unceasing like my breath.

Okay, okay. I’ll go read a book. Bye ^ ^

a longing for things

A Million Parachutes
Sixpence None the Richer
>>>here<<<

Like a million parachutes the snow’s coming down
I’ll lock up the front door and turn the lights down
In the glow of the streetlights I see them descend
Like a million parachutes, small men on a mission

I miss the warmth and I miss the sun
And I miss the ocean, I miss everyone
And I miss the bridges that span across the bay
Tonight, it seems like ages ago

Like a million parachutes the snow still falls
The dogs are asleep now, there’s no one to call
I’ll put on some records and wait for the light
Under those million parachutes now a blanket of white

I miss the warmth and I miss the sun
I miss the ocean, I miss everyone
And I miss the bridges that span across the bay
Tonight, it seems like ages ago



---

Where are you sun? How could you go on vacation and not bring me along?


Sly. This is, >>here<<. How could I possibly notice that? A well-crafted artifice. That's what it is. Would this mean I must complete the magazines? So far, I’ve only got 2. And there would be 12 volumes? I’m hopeless.

J-san, is this another one of your schemes? Oh, you

And then there’s VAMPS new single. (check vamprose)

VAMPS NEW SINGLE「I GOTTA KICK START NOW」のリリースが決定いたしました。

2009年3月13日（金）発売

I can’t wait to hear it. Like my friend said, just how Haido would pronounce the title is enough to pique our attention. Plus, the DVD will also be released soon! In the set list, there’s Glamorous Sky. Finally, we’d be able to hear Hyde himself sing it. Even the Halloween Live footage would be included. So I'll be able to see the AnisxHyde fanservice then? Ahahaha. Should I? Or should I not buy it? Hopeless, indeed.

Another thing that amuses me is >>this<<. There’s a presence in the corner of the picture that my sister could not ignore. It runs through her veins. XD

We are truly sisters.

Fan-art is love

Feelings that had made me numb trying so hard not to miss him seemed to thrust out, one right after the another, the way flower petals extend themselves to receive the sun of the season, quietly and with certainty.

--Amrita, Banana Yoshimoto

It's still an effort to move my left wrist. But it has improved. I still don’t know what strained it –most likely from stress the other day.

Thinking that I still have not finished Amrita depresses me. Frankly, the book is unbelievably a bore. No matter how I love Banana, I have to admit that the story is too slow and there’s nothing to drive me reading. Aside from that, there’s something too sad about it. I had a dream before; I was standing on a cliff with someone. And before us was an abyss. I don’t really recall much –it was too long ago. But I remember I was enveloped by sadness so deep as I look down in the chasm. And despite of having a person beside me, I felt alone. It’s not like we were going to jump off. We were just gazing at the vast blackness beneath us. That’s all I could remember. Strangely, reading Amrita reminds me of that dream. I don’t know… Anyway, I should finish the book.

Haven't progressed much with the Pages for Pounds challenge.

Lately, I’m distracted by fan-art (proof is on my previous post, hehe). I have not drawn anything seriously for quite a while. The only sketch I made the previous year was merely out of boredom. It was of Haido as Adam. Whatever I drew aside from that were just doodles and were put in the trash during the end-of-year cleaning. That’s it. And it was only out of spontaneity when I started editing that 'Haido-sketch' a few days back. And suddenly, I want to do more. Artistic hunger. Maybe. But since my left wrist is not fully well -–technically I’m right handed, but I need the left hand for support— these would suffice for the moment.

*from the same sketch I used for the fan-art in my previous post --and the lines are from Hyde's songs ('Midnight Celebration' and 'Shallow Sleep')*

[insert witty line for segue]

It was Rachel’s birthday yesterday. She treated us for dinner at Rairaiken. I was not able to eat much. She called me just when I have finished my dinner, and I ate a bit if snack too. But, in spite of having a full stomach already prior a bowl of ramen, I enjoyed eating a 2nd dinner. It warmed my heart that she wanted to spend her birthday with us (me, Hanna, and Raquel) –-even if it was only for dinnertime.

I think I got things backwards, like as if it was my birthday to be the one touched. But I really am grateful. I feel so loved.

I’m easily pleased. I guess you develop appreciation for simple things when you age. Maybe not for everyone, but this is the case for me.

the first page awaits

Dawn. The sky this morning was so white, like a fresh blank page. Untouched. And I thought, how nice.

2009 is here. I should write something, hehe. I meant to post earlier, but I just couldn't get a chance to –or was just too laz-- no, scratch that. It’s not good to be idle at the start of the year, and improper too. The temperature seems to have dropped a notch lower, especially in the mornings. Yesterday, I was shivering when I got here in the office. I don't like cold weather.

Just last Sunday afternoon, I was reading a book in our living room - on a couch, wearing sweater and pajamas, an extra pillow squished to my right, and the long flat cushion from the other couch lay on my lap. My hair was tied in a bun and I was wearing my reading glasses. I must’ve looked like an old lady. But my sister likes to josh saying it’s my brain that’s aging too fast (note: ‘aging’ –not maturing, hehe), and my appearance is curiously stuck to that of a grade-schooler.

There was a time when I kept starting on the movie ‘the Golden Compass,’ but I kept falling asleep even before the first scene ends. Hanna calls it 'signs of aging', plus she looks like someone receiving a slice of cake whenever she gets the chance to tell me this. And she waits for just the right moment to say it. Well, let me ask, are old people the only ones allowed to sleep on a movie? Can't a person doze off while watching a film even though she's only twenty-four? Tell me.

Frankly, I'm not affected by the fact that I'm getting old, and whether it's speed is not the same for my brain and appearance. There's no way around it. What gets to me and makes feel a bit lonely is the fact that everyone else is growing old too. I'm happy and content with how my family is now, that I wish it would always be this way. But of course, my sister and brother will eventually leave when they're old enough - or independent enough. And my parents wont be as energetic as they are now. At present, I find solace in the word 'eventually' --nothing has changed yet, they're here with me now...

Well, umm, moving on…

2008 had been wonderful. They said it was the year of beginnings –and it was indeed. It was a year of good memories for me.

And, so as not to forget them, here –I jotted down one good memory for each of the month of 2008 (just one, or else this post would be too long):

• January – Was moved to a new team at work
• February – Started my blogspot
• March – Midnight Nihongo study sessions for with Lesley (via YM – because she’s in Singapore)
• April – Got the tickets for L’7 in HK
• May – Watched L’Arc~en~Ciel’s concert in HK *Ah, I was truly blessed :D*
• June – Jdrama marathons (itoshi kimi e, hotaru no hikari, and some others)
• July – 1st translation attempt – Time Goes By
• August – Translation attempts again – this time NEXUS4 / SHINE
• September – My grandma turned 92
• October – Resurrected my LJ
• November – Discovered Fantastic Contraptions
• December – Camped amidst the corn field (well, more like corn seedlings)

I should make a post on that last one. But I must pester Botan and Ces first for the pictures *grins*

-----

My Monthly Vamps vol. 5 came last December. I’m a little disappointed. Where is the 'AnisxHaido' fanservice? Is it too wrong to ask for it?

Okay, okay, I’ll let that one go *pouts*.

Anyway, Daigo was in it too --in his odd, comical Halloween costume. Heehee. I would never have cared who this guy is if he had not been a guest at Arashi no Shukudai. He’s funny, and he does not seem to notice he drawls *snickers*. And the way he tells a story is amusing. He's the grandson of a former prime minister, but he was determined before not to disclose this fact. He finally wavered when he realized he's getting close to thirty and still no big break for his band (Breakerz); so he revealed who his grandpa was. And then, from his words, it was a ‘super-jump!’ Their released single was suddenly at the top ten of cd rankings. You guys should watch it --forgot which episode of AnS though, it was quite recent. Really, you must see. I assure you you'd find Daigo funny, in a cute-kind-of way.

*There's my--ahem- I mean the bride**

**There's Daigo in white. And of course, the quee-- I mean the king at the center :D**

The last two are scans shared by Gabyta and Niyako *mou ichido, domo arigatou*

-----

I have joined a group in Shelfari, ‘The Challenged Reader’. Luckily, I was on time for the start of their first challenge, ‘Pages for Pounds’. The goal is to lose ‘weight’ on one's TBR (To Be Read) list; instead of considering the number of books completed within the duration of the challenge, it’s the weight of the book that is counted. So if I’m only able to finish half of a book at the end of the challenge, I can still count in half the weight of the book in my log. I love it for its originality.

I must make a separate post for this –-I might, but not before the 'camping trip' post.

-----

This year, I want to learn how to edit pictures. Haven't got Photoshop installed in my pc yet. Not yet. And would you believe I don't know how to use Photoshop? Yeah, I know. Jurassic. Ancient. Whatever. Hahaha

I made something last weekend - only with online photo editors though. It's a sort of diptych using a photo of me and my sketch of Hyde (as Adamu).

-----

I wasted both the Noche Buena and New Year’s Eve. I missed them. Before the clock struck midnight, I was already dead to the world – I struggled to keep awake, but, obviously, not enough. So if I would have a resolution for this year, that would be to spend more hours awake than asleep.